Metalcakes

The Infernal Resur-Reese's

2012-01-15T12:33:00.004-06:00

I know I've baked for Skeletonwitch before, but:
A) They're super awesome, Midwest metal Gods
B) They're well overdue for a new recipe baked in their honor
and
C) Their new record makes me want to bake so hard!!
I don't know about you, but I feel like Skeletonwitch just keeps getting better and better. Each of their records are distinctly different, yet consistently full of black, thrashy, goodness. They show nothing but respect for their influences and originators of metal, as they carve out their own well-deserved position in metal history.

Nothing compares to their live shows. I've had the privilege, on several occasions, to witness them unleash the mayhem on a more than deserving crowd. If Overkill played a show with Mercyful Fate, and Immortal, Skeletonwitch would round out the bill nicely. Here's hoping that one day this show will be a reality. A girl can dream, can't she?
Follow their fucking hilarious tour adventures on Twitter. Especially if you like to read about cats, beer, dinosaur world, and flat tires.
In honor of these eternal road warriors, I suggest you pair these cupcakes with a microwaved gas station cheeseburger, and a Miller High Life... or ten.

Skeletonwitch:
The Infernal Resur-Reese's

Makes 18

Metal Constituents:

¾ cup all purpose flour
¼ cup unsweetened cocoa powder, sifted
1 ½ tsp baking powder
Pinch of salt
½ cup sugar
½ cup brown sugar, packed
1/2 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
½ cup creamy peanut butter
1 egg
½ tsp vanilla
2/3 cup milk
1 cup chocolate chips

For the Frosting:

2 cups powdered sugar
1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
Pinch salt
¾ cup creamy peanut butter
2 1/2 Tbs milk
4 oz Reese's Pieces (about 2 small bags), Crushed Beyond Dust
18 mini Reese's Peanut Butter cups

Merciless Instructions:

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Line cupcake tin with baking cups, and set aside.
In a small bowl, whisk together flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, and salt.
In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat together both sugars and butter until well combined.
Add peanut butter, beat until smooth.
Beat in egg and vanilla.
Alternately beat in flour mixture and milk in 5 additions, starting and ending with flour mixture.
Fold in chocolate chips.
Fill baking cups about 2/3 full.
Bake for about 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into one of the cakes comes out clean.
Allow to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
To make the frosting: Beat together sugar, butter, and salt until creamy.
Add peanut butter and beat well.
Add milk and beat until smooth and creamy.
Put Reese's Pieces in a big Ziploc bag, and beat the hell out of them with a rolling pin, hammer, meat cleaver, etc. A food processor works too, but failed to help me release my pent-up aggression.
Fold 1/4 cup of the Reese's Pieces that have been crushed beyond dust, into the frosting.
Frost completely cooled cupcakes.
Top each cupcake with a mini Reese's Peanut Butter cup.
On the cake of the holy ones, feed.

Here is some footage of Skeletonwitch playing "The Infernal Resurrection" in Toulouse, France. Enjoy!

Also, I think it's hilarious that Dustin kept accidentally calling these cakes "Infernal Reese-Erections." Peanut Butter boner!

Destined to be Festive Cakes

2011-12-16T21:49:00.011-06:00

One of the most festive album covers of all time has to be Autopsy's Mental Funeral. One look, and I'm instantly reminded of the holiday season, and all that comes with it.

Autopsy came to life in 1987 after drummer Chis Reifert decided to stay in San Francisco, leave Death (he played on my favorite Death album- Scream Bloody Gore), and start his own band. At the time, Death Metal was in it's infancy and this album really set the standards. If it's an Autopsy song, you know it's going to be full of brutal gore and horror. The European metal scene seemed to give them the credit they deserved, but it took us crummy Americans a while to fully appreciate their greatness. Because of this and other reasons, they decided to call it quits in 1995.

After changing their minds about never, ever, ever, reuniting, Autopsy did just that for the 2010 Maryland Deathfest. Even during sound check kids were freaking out! The show went so well that if it hadn't been for the Baltimore curfew, they would have just kept on playing- possibly FOREVER. Shortly thereafter, they announced their permanent reunion and released Macabre Eternal. This record absolutely makes up for lost time and removes any doubt that they've still got it where it counts.
The beast that is Autopsy, has awoken from it's slumber.

In food related news, Chris Reifert also submitted a recipe for Mummified Jalapeño Bacon Bombs to Hellbent for Cooking. Awesome!

In honor of the holiday season, and a band that keeps on giving, I present to you:

Autopsy- Destined to be Festive Cakes

Makes 18

Metal Constituents:

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
2 large eggs
3/4 cup buttermilk
3 Tablespoons vegetable oil
3/4 cup warm water
1 1/2 teaspoons peppermint extract
1 cup red and green M&M's

For the Frosting:

2 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
4 cups powdered sugar
2 Tablespoons milk
1/2 teaspoon peppermint extract
red food coloring
1 cup green candy melts, melted

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups, and set aside.
In the bowl of an electric mixer, whisk together flour, cocoa powder, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, and salt.
Add eggs, buttermilk, oil, water, and peppermint extract.
Beat on low speed until smooth.
Fold in M&M's.
Fill each baking cups about 2/3 full.
Bake for 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into one of the cakes comes out clean.
Allow cakes to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
To make the frosting: Beat the butter in the bowl of an electric mixer until smooth.
Add powdered sugar, milk, and peppermint extract. Beat until smooth.
While continuing to beat, drip red food coloring into the frosting until desired festive shade is achieved.
Frost completely cooled cupcakes.
Place green candy melts into a microwave-safe bowl.
Microwave for 30 seconds, stir.
Continue microwaving at 10 second intervals until chips are completely melted and smooth.
Drizzle melted green candy over each frosted cupcake.
Pick away at your mouldering cake.

Here is some classic footage of Autopsy playing "Destined to Fester."

Happy Holidays from Metalcakes!!

Crumb-wich Cakes

2011-11-19T15:05:00.000-06:00

Horror films and metal share a lot of fans. Both portray a similar outlook on life. I definitely saw a lot of kids I usually see at metal shows at the midnight screening of Zombie a few weeks ago.
Electric Wizard is a band that successfully marries both 1970's horror, and doom metal. They are as English as the Hammer Horror films that inspire them.

They record their albums analog and live instead of one instrument at a time. If they want the song to sound better, they have to give a better performance in the studio. I have nothing but respect for anyone who refuses to take the easy way out. They even recorded Witchcult Today using vintage audio equipment from the 1970's.

Between their albums Come My Fanatics... and Dopethrone, the band really hit a rough patch!

Founding member Jus Oborn, drummer Mark Greening, and bassist Tim Bagshaw were all arrested on various, separate charges. Then Oborn suffered a collapsed eardrum in the middle of a show and had to have several corrective surgeries. Later he accidentally severed his fingertip while installing some flooring. And then, Greening broke his collarbone in a motorcycle accident. Geez Louise! Somebody really had it out for these guys! I'm glad everyone seems to be okay now.

To honor a band that is awesomely inspired by horror, and never takes the easy way out, I give you:

Electric Wizard: Crumb-wich Cakes

Makes 18

Metal Constituents:

2 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
1 1/4 cups sugar
2 eggs
1 cup sour cream
2 teaspoons vanilla

For the Crumb Topping:

2 1/2 cups All-Purpose flour
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
2 sticks unsalted butter, melted and cooled

For the glaze:

1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
2 1/2 Tablespoons milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon melted butter
black food coloring

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups, and set aside.
In a medium bowl, whisk together flour baking powder and salt. Set aside.
In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream butter and sugar together.
Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.
Add sour cream and vanilla, beat well.
Add flour mixture in two parts. Beat until just combined, do not over mix.
Set batter aside.
To make the crumb topping: In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, brown sugar, and cinnamon.
Add melted butter, and stir with a spatula until large crumbs form.
Fill each baking cup with just enough batter to cover the bottom of each.
Sprinkle crumb topping on top.
Add more batter to each cup, filling about 2/3 full.
Sprinkle another layer of crumbs on top of each batter-filled baking cup.
Bake for 20-24 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into one cupcake comes out clean.
Allow cakes to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
To make the glaze: In a medium bowl, whisk together powdered sugar, milk, vanilla and butter.
Add black food coloring, and continue to whisk.
Drizzle black sugar glaze all over each completely cooled cake either at random, or in the shape of various witchcraft symbols. Be careful when deciding which symbols to use, you don't want to accidentally open the gates to dessert hell.
Cakes of Crumb-wich Rise.

Here is some footage of Electric Wizard playing "Dunwich."
Enjoy!

Cake of the Last Day

2011-10-02T19:15:00.025-05:00

I refuse to keep this to myself: The Secret are an amazingly brutal, and punishing band from Trieste, Italy. Their album Solve et Coagula creates an atmosphere that draws you in. To me it feels like one continuous piece of music taking you through a dark and angry landscape, instead of several separate, unrelated songs, just slapped together. It's like Dante's Inferno, except without the happy ending!
"Solve et Coagula" in Latin actually means "Dissolve and Coagulate." In other words, separate and come together. Perfect!
Of course, like most of their lyrics, this could also be a reference to the current state of Italian politics and culture.

Their previous albums (Luce & Disintoxication) were released on the now deceased label, Goodfellow Records. Fortunately for everyone, they've been welcomed into the Southern Lord coven.

The Secret also curated a Mix Tape over at Cvlt Nation. It's made up of what they typically listen to while driving around on tour. Why aren't you downloading it already?

This recipe is based on an Italian Cassata cake. It's a sponge cake brushed with rum syrup, shot full of cannoli filling, and topped with whipped cream. Personally, if this was all I had to eat on my last day, I'd be totally fine with that.

The Secret: Cake of the Last Day

Makes 24

Metal Constituents:

1 cup cake flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
6 large eggs, separated
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar
2 Tablespoons ice water
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon almond extract

For the Rum Syrup:

1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup water
3 teaspoons Rum Extract

For the Filling:

1 cup Ricotta Cheese
1/2 cup heavy whipping cream
2 Tablespoons Powdered Sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 cup Maraschino cherries, coarsely chopped
1/4 cup semi-sweet mini chocolate chips, or chopped chocolate

For the Frosting:

1 1/2 cups heavy whipping cream
2 1/2 Tablespoons powdered sugar
3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups, and set aside.
Whisk cake flour and salt together, set aside.
In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat egg whites until frothy.
Add cream of tartar, and continue beating until soft peaks form, set aside.
In a separate mixing bowl, beat egg yolks and ice water together.
Gradually add sugar, mix well.
Add flour mixture in 3 parts, continue beating.
Add lemon juice and almond extract, mix well.
Fold egg whites into batter in 3 parts.
Fill baking cups about 2/3 full.
Bake for 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of one cupcake comes out clean.
Allow to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
To make the rum syrup: Combine sugar, water, and rum extract in a small saucepan.
Bring to a boil, stirring occasionally.
Boil until the sugar has dissolved and the mixture has thickened slightly, about 5-7 minutes, and set aside.
To make the filling: If necessary, drain ricotta cheese in a cheesecloth-lined sieve.
Begin whisking heavy whipping cream in the bowl of an electric mixer.
Add powdered sugar and vanilla, and continue whisking for about 5 minutes.
Fold ricotta cheese, cherries, and chocolate chips into the mixture until all ingredients are well distributed. Set mixture aside.
To make the frosting: Chill your mixing bowl and whisk attachment in the fridge for 20 minutes before using- 5 minutes in the freezer if you're pressed for time (trust me, it makes a difference).
Pour the cream into the cold mixing bowl, and whisk on medium-high speed until it starts to thicken.
Slow the mixer to medium speed, and gradually add powdered sugar.
Continue to whisk until soft peaks form.
Add vanilla, and whisk until stiff peaks form.
To assemble your cupcakes: Insert a sharp knife into each cupcake at about a 45 degree angle, about half an inch from the edge of the cupcake.
Using a circular motion, cut a cone-shaped piece from the center of each cupcake.
Remove cake cone. Eat or discard.
Brush or drizzle the top and inside cavity of each cupcake with a generous amount of rum syrup.
Fill each cupcake with at least a teaspoonful of ricotta mixture.
Spread a thin layer of ricotta mixture on top of each cupcake.
Pipe whipped cream onto each cupcake.
Top with more mini chips, and a maraschino cherry.
Our last will is to eat these cakes.

*These cakes are actually better after the flavors have been allowed to come together (or "Coagula"). I recommend baking them a day or two before you plan on serving them and then keeping them in the fridge. Frost at the last minute.

Here is some footage of The Secret playing "1968" during their American tour last Spring.
They're so fucking great!

Flowers For Dessert

2011-09-02T14:00:00.007-05:00

Not unlike a triple kiss on Elimidate, this post is actually only 1/3 of the big picture. The other thirds can be found on Invisible Oranges and Phyte Club. To say it was an honor to be asked to work with Katie and Cosmo, would be the understatement of the century.
My contribution is of course a Goatsnake cupcake. There's a lot to be said about Goatsnake as far as why they're awesome and why they deserve cake. But to avoid an overlap of reading material, I'll let Cosmo tell you all about them.
I will say that a kid I know used to (and probably still does) tune his guitar to Goatsnake 1. And as I'm sure you have already guessed, his band is fucking awesome.

I give you:

Goatsnake: Flowers For Dessert

Makes 12

Metal Constituents:

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 Tablespoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 stick butter, room temperature
1/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup honey
2 eggs
1/2 cup buttermilk
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup edible flower petals*

For the Frosting:

2 8oz packages of cream cheese, room temperature
1/2 stick butter, room temperature
4 Tablespoons light brown sugar
4 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 Tablespoons honey
green food coloring

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 F. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups, and set aside.
In a large bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt.
In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat the butter and sugar until light and fluffy.
Add honey, eggs, buttermilk, and vanilla.
Add flour mixture a little at a time, and beat until just combined.
Gently fold in flower petals. *I was able to find at Whole Foods, in the herb section, packages of organic edible flowers from Jacob's Farms. The flowers that were included were pansies, roses, snapdragons, geraniums, lavender, and cornflowers. I separated the petals from the flower heads, and removed anything green that might taste bitter. The bigger petals I coarsely chopped, and the smaller petals I left in tact.
Fill baking cups about 2/3 full.
Bake for 20-22 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into one of the cakes comes out clean.
To make the frosting: Melt butter and allow to cool for about 10 minutes.
In the bowl of an electric mixer, combine cream cheese, butter, brown sugar, and vanilla.
When the mixture starts to stiffen, stop mixer and add the honey and green food coloring.
Continue to beat until everything is light and fluffy.
Spread onto completely cooled cakes, and decorate with more edible flower petals.
Devouring this flower for dessert.

Here is some footage of Goatsnake playing "Flower of Disease."
Enjoy!

Thanks again to Katie and Cosmo for inviting me to be a part of this awesome project!
Coolest kids ever!

Twink(ie) Cakes

2011-08-21T16:16:00.003-05:00

I'm so glad Floor are playing shows again!
They formed in 1992, and have broken up and gotten back together several times since then.
I saw them recently with The Atlas Moth (always awesome), and Doomriders (fucking killer). They were amazing! They opened by exploding into "Scimitar." It was a metal dream come true.
Floor has been classified as "Sludge Pop" (Mmmm... Sludge Pop). Their songs feature down-tuned, heavy, sludge riffs coupled with more upbeat, "Pop" vocals.

I always get confused as far as who was in Floor, who was in Cavity, and who's in Torche. It's like the same group of kids all making a bunch of music I love.
So I've decided to make a handy-dandy chart for your easy reference:

Hope this helps!

These cakes were inspired by the song "Twink." They're basically Twinkies shaped like cupcakes.

Floor: Twink(ie) Cakes

Makes 24

Metal Constituents:

2 cups all-purpose flour
3 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
10 Tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature
1 cup sugar
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/8 teaspoon almond extract
1 cup milk

For the Filling:

2 teaspoons very hot water
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 cups Marshmallow Fluff
1/2 cup vegetable shortening
1/3 cup powdered sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla

For the Frosting:

2 1/2 sticks butter
2 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1/8 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 Tablespoons heavy cream

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups, and set aside.
Whisk together flour, baking powder and salt into a bowl. Set aside.
Beat together butter and sugar in a large bowl with an electric mixer at medium-high speed until pale and fluffy, about 3 minutes.
Beat in eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.
Beat in vanilla and almond extract.
Reduce speed to low and add flour mixture alternately with the milk in 3 batches, beginning and ending with the flour mixture. Beat until just incorporated.
Fill baking cups about 2/3 full.
Bake for 15-20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center of the cakes comes out clean.
Remove from the oven and let cool in the pan for 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
To make the filling: Combine the hot water and salt in a small bowl and stir until salt is dissolved. Let this mixture cool.
Combine the Marshmallow Fluff, shortening, powdered sugar, and vanilla in a medium bowl
Mix well with an electric mixer on high speed until fluffy.
Add the salt solution to the filling mixture and beat well.
Using The Cone Method, fill each cupcake with marshmallow mixture.
To make the frosting: In the bowl of an electric mixer, whisk butter until smooth.
Add sugar and salt, and continue to whisk for about another minute.
Add vanilla and heavy cream, whisk until well combined.
Increase mixer speed and beat until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes
Frost completely cooled cakes.
Cupcake Breakdown.

Here is some footage of Floor playing "Twink." Enjoy!

Since that was such a short song, and I don't want you to feel jipped, here's "Scimitar."
Enjoy! Again!

Cakes of Broken Glass

2011-07-17T19:53:00.007-05:00

Hey Metalheads! If you're looking for a refreshing change to wake up your ears, look no further than Hammers of Misfortune.

Born from one of the most Metal-Nurturing areas of our country, they're pretty heavy while maintaining a vein of NWOBHM running through each song. They're not really like anybody else as far as lyrics and composition are concerned. I feel like they don't exactly angry up the blood and spark a revolution, so much as take your mind off the shitty day you just had.

John Cobbett's unique brand of metal is achieved by writing an acoustic song with vocals, and then translating it into metal. His mission is to save us all from mediocre, and "safe" music.
In an interview one time, he referred to Britney Spears as "Jon Benet Ramsey without the murder." That is so true.

They're currently working on a new album that will hopefully be released by the end of the year. Can't wait!
This recipe was inspired by the title track off their 2008 album "Church of Broken Glass."
There is a lot of Bourbon in these cakes. It will make eating glass seem like a great idea!

Hammers of Misfortune: Cakes of Broken Glass

Makes 36

Metal Constituents:

5oz high-quality, unsweetened dark chocolate
1/4 cup instant espresso
2 Tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder
1 cup good Bourbon Whiskey (Maker's Mark or Bulliet)
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 sticks butter, room temperature
2 cups sugar
3 eggs
1 Tablespoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 cups all-purpose flour

For the Frosting:

1 stick butter, room temperature
8oz package of Cream Cheese, room temperature
4 cups powdered sugar
5 Tablespoons good Bourbon Whiskey (Maker's Mark or Bulliet)
Orange (or red and yellow) food coloring

For the Broken "Glass" Topping:

1 cup sugar
1/3 cup light corn syrup
2 Tablespoons water

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups, and set aside.
Melt baking chocolate in the microwave. Start by microwaving it for 30 seconds, stir, and then continue to microwave at 15 second intervals until melted and smooth.
Set melted chocolate aside to cool.
Put instant espresso powder and cocoa powder into a (2-cup or larger) glass measuring cup.
Add enough boiling water to come up to the 1 cup measuring line.
Stir until powders dissolve.
Stir in whiskey and salt, allow to cool.
Beat butter in the bowl of an electric mixer until fluffy (about 2-3 minutes).
Add sugar and beat until well combined.
Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.
Add vanilla, baking soda, and melted chocolate. Beat well.
With the mixer on the lowest speed, add 1/3 of the whiskey mixture.
Once the liquid has been absorbed, add 1 cup of the flour.
Repeat whiskey and flour addition, ending with whiskey.
Fill baking cups about 3/4 full.
Bake for 20-22 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into one of the cupcakes comes out clean.
Allow cakes to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before removing them to a wire rack to cool completely.
To make the frosting: Beat butter and Cream Cheese in the bowl of an electric mixer until smooth.
Add powdered sugar and Bourbon, beat until creamy.
Add enough food coloring to your frosting, so that your frosting matches the shade of the album cover.
Frost completely cooled cupcakes.
To make the broken "glass" topping: Line a baking sheet with a Silpat non-stick baking mat, or parchment paper.
In a small saucepan, bring sugar, corn syrup, and water to a boil, stirring constantly until the sugar is dissolved.
Once the sugar has dissolved (it will look clear) stop stirring and allow to boil. Occasionally brush down the sides of the saucepan with a pastry brush dipped in cold water, to prevent crystals from forming.
Boil at medium-high heat until mixture is slightly golden, about 5-7 minutes. Make sure you don't jump the gun and pull your sugar off the heat while it's still clear. If you don't wait until it's slightly golden, it won't harden into crackable candy.
Pour melted sugar mixture onto prepared baking sheet.
Smooth sugar into one flat sheet using an off-set spatula, the thinner the better.
Let it cool and harden for 5-10 minutes.
Once the mixture is hard, pull it away from the Silpat mat or parchment paper, and crack into decent-sized "glass" shards.
Place quite a few shards into the frosting of each cupcake.
Don't think you have a prayer, with this cake of broken glass.

And here's Hammers of Misfortune playing "An Oath Sworn in Hell" off their 2001 album The Bastard. Enjoy!

The Fire in our Throats Will Beckon the (Vegan) Cupcakes

2011-06-26T19:06:00.014-05:00

Remember how awesome it was when Dr.Harry Weston and his dog Rufus would drop by to visit their neighbors, The Golden Girls?

Or when the Harlem Globetrotters helped Scooby-doo and the gang solve a mystery? And when The Love Boat landed on Fantasy Island?

Well that's kind of what's happening on today's very special Metalcakes post.

Every now and then I'll bake for a band when they play Chicago. I will always, always, always, bake for Black Cobra, Skeletonwitch, and Black Tusk (they really deserve so much more than just a measly batch of cupcakes... And coincidentally, all 3 are currently working on new albums, right now! Yippie!). I usually bake for Pelican too. Whenever I bake for them, I make their specific Metalcake, and then I make another batch of vegan carrot cupcakes for the guitarist Trevor and his wife Lisa. They're cool kids, and the last thing I'd ever want is for them to feel left out just because they choose not to eat dairy and eggs. For a while I've been meaning to sit down and actually create a vegan version of The Fire in our Throats Will Beckon the Cupcakes, but I never have.

Here's where the kick-ass crossover action comes in. The kids over at Cryogenic Husk have graciously offered to help me out with a vegan version of this recipe. They've even put together a heavy, instrumental playlist to go along with their delicious cakes.

I myself contributed a Metal Baking Playlist to their site. Check it out!

So a huge thanks to Stacy for putting together this recipe, taking such wonderful photos, and for allowing me to bask in the reflected glory of Cryogenic Husk.

Pelican: The Fire in our Throats Will Beckon the (Vegan) Cupcakes
By Cryogenic Husk

In putting our heads together, Cryogenic Husk and Metalcakes formed a unique collaboration. While Metalcakes provided the absolutely stellar playlist for baking cupcakes (or any baked treat for the matter) on our site, we threw our name in the hat to "veganize" one of Metalcakes delicious recipes.

It was suggested that we roll with Pelican's immortalization into a tasty cupcake via 'The Fire In Our Throats Will Beckon The Cupcakes" recipe for a few reasons. Firstly, guitarist Trevor de Brauw and his wife are vegan - and Metalcakes has yet to sit down and provide a vegan version of this recipe for them. Secondly, the recipe is a flavor that is unique and scrumptious. And finally, Pelican is a great band.

Here's how the cupcakes became veganized and our own mixtape of heavy instrumental tunes to enjoy:

1) Ingredients ho!

This is really the proving ground for veganizing a recipe. The combining and baking aspects are really quite straight forward, so making sure the ingredients you're using are vegan from the get-go should be the biggest chore - and honestly, it's pretty easy (and we're from a small-sized farm town). Butter was replaced with a margarine (which is basically vegetable oil), we used the Nucoa brand. For the milk, we went with soymilk, specifically the Silk brand. We also said "why not?" to using the vanilla flavored soymilk. The vanilla in it is rather mild and, if anything, could compliment the other flavors involved (cinnamon, almond, orange, etc). We used Ener-G brand Egg Replacer to substitute for the eggs (more on that later). Otherwise, Tofutti brand "Better Than Cream Cheese" replaced real cream cheese, and agave nectar substituted for honey.

2) The instructions were followed exactly as the normal version of this recipe up to step #4. This is where we used the Egg Replacer. If you haven't used it before, I highly recommend the Ener-G brand.

I always hear of people doing other substitutions like apple sauce, flax powder and even more detailed mixtures of various starches; however, this Egg Replacer is easy to use and produces great results. Just add two tablespoons of water to each teaspoon-and-a-half of the Egg Replacer as a substitute for one real egg and viola! We used a little mixer machine to blend it extra well and then poured into the margarine and sugar mix slowly.

3) The rest of the batter recipe was followed exactly like the original recipe. When all the ingredients were combined the batter came out very nice and smooth, similar to pancake batter, only just slightly thicker.

4) The baking time was dead-on for the cupcakes (thank you tooth-pick test). The only difference I could tell was that the tops of them had more of a "cracked" appearance, like some breads you might see. But that's just cosmetic, it's that TASTE that counts.

5) When spreading the orange glaze I recommend poking a LOT of holes into the cupcake since the recipe for the glaze made for plenty to go around. We double coated them. Also, depending on how good your juicer is (ours was an ancient hand-cranked device) you can get about 1/3 to 1/2 cup of juice out of half of an orange.

6) The frosting for these cupcakes is fantastic. Creamy, soft and sweet, but not over-the-top sweet like a store bought brand of frosting (where you think your teeth are going to rot right out of your head), this is much tastier. We did have a snafu with our make-shift device to spread the frosting onto the cupcakes. After about three cupcakes in, we switched to the good 'ol spread-with-a-knife method. Metal cakes goes big with their frosting, and since we are a little more moderate with our use there was a good amount left over (we wound up using it with some pumpkin bread a friend gave us, so it was fortuitously enjoyed via another baked good).

7) Judging from the picture of the finished product that went along with the original recipe, we did a quick improv at the end and sprinkled them with a little cinnamon-sugar on top. Oh my, are they delicious! The cupcakes were a complete success. Definitely something I'm interested in whipping up again at some point.

Ultimately this made about 21 cupcakes. I'm sure it's intended for a nice round "two dozen" but whether through the vegan ingredients or our novice baking skills, it came up just shy of 24. We kept a few for ourselves and then went on a cupcake run giving them out as surprises to a handful of friends (geek-out moment: we listened to 'The Fire In Our Throats Will Beckon The Thaw' while delivering them... it really brought the whole "Play Dark Side of the Moon alongside The Wizard of Oz" experience into the equation), it was a good time. Everyone we gave them out to raved about how tasty they were.

To accompany this re-cap of veganizing the recipe, here's a mix from Cryogenic Husk featuring some heavy instrumental songs that we really enjoy. Rather than stick to one particular sound for this mix, we culled from post-rock, metal, hardcore, indie and points in between to provide a well-rounded listen along with a micro-review analysis of each song. Enjoy!

And here's the entire recipe:

Metal Constituents:

1/2 cup Margarine, room temperature
4 cups cake flour
4 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons cinnamon
2 teaspoons ground allspice
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ground mace
pinch of ground cloves
1 1/2 cups dark-brown sugar
8 Tablespoons Water mixed with 6 teaspoons Egg Replacer
1 1/2 cups vanilla soy milk

For the orange glaze:

1/3 cup freshly squeezed orange juice
2 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon margarine

For the Frosting:

16oz Tofutti Better Than Cream Cheese, room temperature
4 Tablespoons margarine, room temperature
4 Tablespoons light brown sugar
3 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 teaspoon almond extract
2 tablespoons agave nectar

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cupcake pan with baking cups, and set aside.
In a medium bowl, sift together flour, baking powder, cinnamon, allspice, salt, nutmeg, mace, and cloves.
In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream margarine and sugar together.
Add egg replacement mixture, beating to combine.
Alternate adding the flour mixture and soy milk to the rest of the batter, starting and ending with the flour mixture.
Pour the batter into prepared cupcake tin. Bake for 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of one cupcake comes out clean.
While the cupcakes are cooling, make the orange glaze: Combine all ingredients in a small saucepan over medium-low heat until melted.
Using a toothpick, poke holes all over the top of each cupcake.
While they're still warm, brush cakes with orange glaze ; let cakes cool completely on a wire rack.
To Make the Frosting: Melt margarine and allow to cool.
In a large bowl, combine Tofutti cream cheese, margarine, brown sugar, vanilla and almond extract. Beat with an electric mixer.
When mixture starts to stiffen, stop mixer and add agave nectar.
Continue to beat until light and fluffy. Do not over mix, or it will collapse.
Spread onto cooled cupcakes.

So thanks again to Cryogenic Husk for stepping up to the vegan plate, and putting so much time and effort into improving this recipe.
Brutal Bakers - UNITE!!

This photo is my favorite. Doggie!!

Sworn to the Cake

2011-06-05T19:02:00.008-05:00

Pig's heads impaled on spikes?
Flame shooting tridents?
Buckets of blood at your disposal?
These are just a few of the benefits of being Watain.
If you attend one of their black mass shows, you can expect to go home with the scent of death infused into your hair and clothes.

But all of this would mean nothing if their music was crap. Lucky for us, it's not! Their brand of Black Metal features thrash riffs that empty out into a dizzying abyss. The influence of Mayhem and Dissection is apparent, although it's only used as a jumping point for their own expression. Their album Sworn To The Dark is nicely spiked with the instrumental song "Dead But Dreaming." It serves as a calm before the next storm. I also highly recommend their earlier album Casus Luciferi. "I Am The Earth" is a fucking great song.
Their awesomeness deserves cake.
This cupcake is sworn to the dark in that it is void of flour. Even the cream is heavy, and corrupted by the dark bitterness of chocolate.
In honor of Watain, and their own personal brand of Black Metal, I present to you:

Watain: Sworn to the Cake

Makes 22

Metal Constituents:

2 sticks unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
1/4 cup heavy cream
1 cup bittersweet chocolate chips
5 large eggs
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup unsweetened black cocoa powder

For the Ganache:

1 1/8 cup bittersweet chocolate chips
1 cup heavy cream
crushed red M&M's, for topping

Merciless Instructions:

In a medium-sized sauce pan, heat butter and heavy cream over medium-low heat until butter is melted.
Add bittersweet chocolate chips and stir until melted, smooth, and uniform in color.
Remove from heat and allow to cool for about 30 minutes.
Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups.
Spray each baking cup with cooking spray, and set aside.
In a medium bowl, whisk together eggs, sugar, and black cocoa powder. **If you can't find Black Cocoa Powder, please feel free to substitute plain unsweetened cocoa powder.
While continuing to whisk, add chocolate mixture and whisk until combined.
Fill baking cups 3/4 full.
Bake until puffed up and set, about 30-35 minutes.
Let cakes cool in pan for 30 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely (their centers will sink, and the tops may crack).
To make the Ganache: Place chocolate chips in a medium-sized, heat-proof bowl.
Heat cream in a small sauce pan over medium-high heat until just boiling.
Pour heated cream over chocolate, and allow to stand for 1 minute.
Whisk until smooth.
Place ganache in the fridge. Stir every 10 minutes until ganache reaches spreading consistency.
Pipe ganache onto completely cooled cakes.
Distribute crushed red M&M's over each cake to represent bloody mammal parts.
Enjoy while the world behind you burns.

Here is some footage of Watain playing "Sworn to the Dark."
Enjoy!

Watain's bathroom in Denver during the Black Metal Magic tour of 2008
(courtesy of Brooklyn Vegan)

Baked By Force

2011-04-24T18:50:00.008-05:00

Like American heritage itself, the band American Heritage embraces diversity... At least as far as bass playing goes. On their latest release Sedentary, there is a different bass player for every song.
I guess when they were recording they didn't really have a bassist, so they recruited some of their friends to fill in.
Their guest bassists include Bill Kelliher (Mastodon) who plays on "Fetal Attraction," Sanford Parker (Minsk, Buried at Sea, Twilight) who plays on "Vessels/Vassals," and Rafa Martinez (Black Cobra) (Yay!) who plays on "Morbid Angle."
Every guest brings something unique to each song, yet the album as a whole is consistently awesome.
They now have a permanent bassist named Erik Bocek. I saw them play with Sweet Cobra not that long ago, and they fucking killed it. This was a rare treat, as they don't play shows that often due to the fact that their drummer lives in Atlanta, and all the other band members live here in Chicago. Plus when Sweet Cobra got on stage, halfway into their first song, they blew the power for the entire block! Metal. Okay... Maybe it was just a random power outage, but I choose to blame the rock.
This recipe was voted on, and unanimously approved by 3/4 of the members of American Heritage while they were in their van, driving back to Chicago from Georgia.

Here's hoping it doesn't disappoint!

These apple pie cupcakes are as American as the brutal rock that inspired their creation.

American Heritage:
Baked By Force

Makes 24

Metal Constituents:

3 cups Cake Flour
1 Tablespoon Baking Powder
1/2 teaspoon Salt
1 tsp Cinnamon
2 sticks Butter, room temperature
2 cups Sugar
4 Eggs
1 1/2 tsp Vanilla Extract
1 c Milk

For the Apple Pie Filling:

2 Tablespoons Butter
2 teaspoons Cinnamon
3 Tablespoons Sugar
3 Large Granny Smith Apples, peeled, cored, and diced

For the frosting:

2 1/2 sticks Butter, room temperature
2 1/2 cups Powdered Sugar
1/8 teaspoon Salt
2 teaspoons Vanilla Extract
2 Tablespoons Heavy Cream

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees, line 2 cupcake tins with baking cups, and set aside.
In a medium bowl, sift together cake flour, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon.
In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream together butter and sugar until light and fluffy - about 2 minutes or so.
Beat in eggs, one at a time, mixing well after each addition.
Add vanilla extract, mix well.
Add the flour mixture in three parts, alternating with milk - starting and ending with the flour mixture. Mix until just combined.
Divide batter evenly between baking cups, filling about 2/3 full.
Force into your oven for 18-22 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of one cupcake comes out clean.
Allow cakes to cool in the pan for 10 minutes, before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
To make the apple pie filling (this can be started while the cupcakes are in the oven): Melt the butter in a medium sized skillet over medium-high heat.
Add cinnamon and sugar, and cook for 1 minute or until the mixture begins to bubble.
Lower heat to medium, and stir in diced apples.
Cook until the apples are somewhat tender, about 10 minutes.
Remove from heat, and allow to cool.
To make the frosting: In the bowl of an electric mixer, whisk butter until smooth.
Add powdered sugar and salt, continue to whisk for about another minute.
Add vanilla and heavy cream, whisk until well combined.
Increase speed, and beat until light and fluffy - about 2 minutes.
To assemble cupcakes: Insert a sharp knife at an angle about a 1/2 inch from the edge of the cupcake.
Cut a cone-shaped piece out of the center of each cupcake, leaving about a 1/2 inch of cake around the edge.
Remove Cake Cone, eat or discard.
Fill each hole with a heaping teaspoon of apple pie filling.
Frost completely cooled cakes.
God Bless 'Merica.

Here is some footage of American Heritage playing "Brootal: Axxes of Evil" (without a bassist) from their 2006 album, Millenarian. Enjoy!

Awake in Sweet

2011-02-27T21:00:00.008-06:00

Formed in St. Augustine, FL in 2005, Dark Castle is usually classified as a Doom/Psych metal band. I've also seen them listed as a "Doomuo" (Doom Duo), which is fun to say out loud.
They're heavy as fuck, but in a more fluid, endless stream type of way.
Heavily inspired by spirituality and the flow of creation, each song on their debut full-length album Spirited Migration, represents a step in a journey towards a new perception and level of consciousness. Whoa.
The title track is pretty heavy, acoustic, and instrumental. I didn't even know that was possible!
The first time I saw them live, I fell in love. Metal, like most music in general, is an escape for me, and Dark Castle provide me with just the escape I'm looking for, every time. I'm really looking forward to their new record that should be released this spring. It's produced by my hometown hero, Sanford Parker!

This cupcake was inspired by the first track, and step of the journey, on Spirited Migration entitled "Awake in Sleep." Since "Dulce" is another word for sweet, these are Dulce de Leche cupcakes. They also have a little coffee added to them to help you wake up.

Dark Castle: Awake in Sweet

Making the Dulce de Leche:

Metal Constituents:

Makes 18

1 can Sweetened Condensed Milk (14oz.)
1/3 cup Bittersweet Chocolate Chips
1/3 cup Dutch Processed Cocoa powder
3/4 cup Strong, Hot Coffee
3/4 cup All Purpose Flour
3/4 cup Sugar
1/2 tsp Salt
1/2 tsp Baking Soda
6 Tbsp Vegetable Oil
2 Eggs
2 tsp White Vinegar
1 tsp Vanilla Extract

For the Frosting:

4 Tbsp Butter
1/2 cup Brown Sugar
2 Tbsp Milk
1 3/4 cup Powdered sugar

Merciless Instructions:

Make the Dulce de Leche first. This process sounds a little scary, but don't be afraid! Your bravery will be rewarded with deliciousness.
Remove the label from the can of condensed milk.
Pierce two holes on opposite sides of the top of the can with a can opener.
Place the can in a small pot, and add enough water to cover all but the top 1 inch of the can. You will need to add more water during the cooking process to make sure the water doesn't drop below this level as it evaporates.
Place the pot on medium-high heat, and bring the water to a simmer.
Turn the heat down to medium-low, or just hot enough to maintain the simmer.
Some of the condensed milk might escape through the holes. If this happens, scoop it off with a spoon. Try not to let any spill over into the water.
Allow the can to sit in the simmering water for 3 full hours. Don't worry if what you can see through the holes looks lighter than normal Dulce de Leche, the rest of what is in the can is darker.
Remove the can from the pot by using a pair of tongs or an oven mitt, and place on a rack to cool.
Once the can is cool enough to handle, open it carefully with a can opener, and pour entire contents into a bowl.
Whisk contents together, and set aside.
Place chocolate chips and cocoa powder in a medium bowl.
Pour hot coffee over the mixture, and whisk until smooth.
Place in the refrigerator to cool for about 20 minutes.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups and set aside.
In a medium-sized bowl, whisk flour, sugar, salt, and baking soda together.
In the bowl of an electric mixer, whisk oil, eggs, vinegar, and vanilla together.
Add chocolate mixture, and continue to whisk.
Add flour mixture, and mix until smooth.
Fill baking cups about 2/3 full.
Bake until cupcakes are set, and slightly firm to the touch, about 17 - 19 minutes.
Allow cupcakes to cool in the tin for 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
Fill each cupcake with a heaping teaspoonful of Dulce de Leche utilizing the cone method.
To make the frosting: Combine butter and brown sugar in a saucepan, and bring to a boil - stirring constantly
Boil for 1 minute, or until slightly thickened.
Remove from heat, and allow to cool for about 10 minutes.
Transfer saucepan contents to the bowl of an electric mixer.
Add milk and beat until smooth.
Add powdered sugar, and beat until spreading consistency is achieved.
Frost completely cooled cupcakes.
Awake with sweet inside, to feel.

Here is some footage of Dark Castle playing "Awake in Sleep."
Enjoy!

The Sweetest Curse Cakes

2011-01-17T21:59:00.008-06:00

Baroness is made up of childhood friends Peter Adams, Allen Blickle, Summer Welch, and John Baizley. John Baizley is not only the Guitarist/Vocalist, he is also the talented artist behind all of their album artwork. Mr.Baizley has done the album artwork for several other bands as well. My favorites among them include Beyond the Permafrost, Taste the Sin, and Static Tensions. Baizley's artwork fits his own band best. It's as flowing, layered, intense and interesting as their music. If you've never heard Baroness before, you can tell exactly what they sound like by looking at the cover of their album. My favorite song off their second full-length album Blue Record, is "The Sweetest Curse." It kicks off with a gnarly riff and then takes you to a place you never thought you'd end up. This record as a whole is an experience from beginning to end.

To honor Baroness, and John Baizley's artwork, I give you:

Baroness: The Sweetest Curse Cakes

Makes 16

Metal Constituents:

1 1/2 cups (about 4) mashed ripe bananas
3/4 cup packed light brown sugar
1/4 cup honey
4 tablespoons butter, melted
2 cups all-purpose flour
3 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup fresh blueberries

For the Frosting:

2 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
2 tablespoons heavy whipping cream
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/2 cup blueberry jam
3 cups powdered sugar
3/4 cup White Chocolate chips
16 Yellow M&M's
16 edible flowers

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line a cupcake pan with baking cups, and set aside.
In a large bowl, combine the bananas, sugar, honey, and butter.
Beat with an electric mixer until well blended.
In a medium bowl, sift together flour, baking powder, and salt.
Add the flour mixture in two parts, mixing well after each addition.
Using a spatula, gently fold blueberries into the batter.
Spoon the batter into baking cups, filling about 2/3 full.
Bake for 20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center of one cupcake comes out clean.
Allow cupcakes to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before moving them to a cooling rack to cool completely.
To make the frosting: Beat the butter in the bowl of an electric mixer at medium speed until creamy
Add the cream, vanilla, blueberry jam, and powdered sugar, and beat on low speed until light and fluffy.
Pipe onto completely cooled cupcakes.
To make the "egg" topping: Place white chocolate chips in a microwave safe bowl
Heat in the microwave for 30 seconds, stir.
Continue to heat at 15 second intervals, stirring after each interval, until chips are completely melted, but not too hot.
Spoon a small amount of melted white chocolate onto the top of one cupcake.
Place a yellow M&M in the middle of the chocolate glob to represent the yolk.
Once you've placed the M&M, place the cupcake into the fridge to help the chocolate harden, and not melt your frosting.
It's best to make one egg at a time, on one cupcake at a time. You want the white chocolate to still be a little melty so that the M&M sticks. If the white chocolate in your bowl gets too cold during the process, just pop it back in the microwave for 10 seconds, and stir.
I also topped my cupcakes with an edible flower. I bought these Primrose flowers at Whole Foods (they are pesticide-free).
Curse with me, profane and sweet.

Here is some footage of Baroness playing "The Sweetest Curse" under blue gelled lights, perfect!

Prehistoric Nog Cakes

2010-12-01T12:04:00.066-06:00

It's that time of year again! Time to gather with friends and family.
Time to share glad tidings.
Time to give with your heart.
And if you think you're going to beat me to that last LEGO Star Wars Hoth Wampa set, it's time to kiss your ass goodbye!

Born unto this world in Portland, Oregon on New Year's eve 2005, Red Fang has been sent to save this world from terrible music. Fear not their thunderous riffs and punishing beats! For they are merely fulfilling their own rock prophecy.
You probably won't find them in a manger anytime soon, but you will find them on Adult Swim's Metal Swim compilation album, along with so many others I adore (Black Cobra, Skeletonwitch, Kylesa, Witch Montain...). So much awesomeness, I can't believe it's free!

To honor Red Fang, and the annual season of giving, I present to you:

Red Fang: Prehistoric Nog Cakes

Makes 12

Metal Constituents:

1/4 cup Dark Rum
1 cup Eggnog
1/4 cup Vegetable Oil
1Tbsp Apple Cider Vinegar
1tsp Vanilla Extract
1/4 tsp Nutmeg
1 cup Sugar
1 1/3 cup All-Purpose Flour
1/4 tsp Baking Soda
1/2 tsp Baking Powder
1/2 tsp Salt

For the Frosting:

1/2 cup Butter, room temperature
1/4 cup + 2 Tbsp Eggnog
2 Tbsp Dark Rum
1/4 tsp Nutmeg
4 1/2 cups Powdered Sugar

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350° F. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups, set aside.
In a small bowl, mix together rum, eggnog, vegetable oil, apple cider vinegar, and vanilla extract.
In a large bowl, mix together nutmeg, sugar, flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt.
Pour the liquid ingredients into the dry ingredients and whisk until just combined.
Fill prepared baking cups about 2/3 full
Bake for 18-20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.
Cool in the pan 10 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.
To make the frosting: In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream together butter, eggnog, rum, nutmeg and powdered sugar.
Frost completely cooled cupcakes.
Enjoy your Prehistoric Nogs of war.

Here is the AWESOME video for "Prehistoric Dog."
If you only watch one video this holiday season, make sure it's this one. Enjoy!

2010 was a rough one for me, here's looking forward to 2011!
Wishing each and everyone of you nothing but the best, Happy Holidays from Metalcakes!

Raspberries to Oblivion

2010-09-20T00:25:00.016-05:00

Lately, all I've been listening to is Black Breath. Heavy and fast is what I need to get to work on time, and they more than satisfy both requirements. Plus it only takes me about 15 minutes to get to work now, and that's pretty much the exact length of this EP. So convenient!!

Named after a song by Repulsion, Black Breath is from Seattle. If I had to pick a metal genre to classify them under, I'd say they're kind of dirty, black, thrash. My point is, they fucking kill it. I've seen them twice now, and they're even more amazing live. Besides, check out this cover! In addition to that sweet font, this is the type of harvest that will lead us all into oblivion.
I encourage all you brutal bakers out there to check out their full length album Heavy Breathing. It continues what Razor to Oblivion started.

To honor my latest obsession, and the best way to start my day, I give you:

Black Breath: Raspberries to Oblivion

Makes 24 cupcakes

Metal Constituents:

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups cake flour
2 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/4 teaspoons salt
1 1/4 cups milk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 sticks + 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature
2 1/4 cups sugar
6 eggs
2 containers ( 6oz each) raspberries; 1 container smashed into oblivion with a fork, 1 container coarsely chopped

For the Frosting:

1/2 cup butter, softened
1/2 cup fresh raspberries
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/8 teaspoon salt
2 cups powdered sugar

For the Chocolate Scythes:

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line two 12-cup cupcake pans with baking cups, and set aside.
Whisk together flours, baking powder, and salt in a medium bowl.
Stir together milk and vanilla in a small bowl.
Beat butter with a mixer on medium speed until fluffy, about 3 minutes.
Add sugar in a slow, steady stream, and beat until pale and fluffy, about 3 minutes.
Beat in eggs, 1 at a time, beating well after each addition.
Scrape down sides of bowl, and continue beating until smooth.
Reduce speed to low, and add flour mixture in 3 additions, alternating with milk, beginning and ending with flour.
Fold in smashed and chopped raspberries.
Divide batter among baking cups, filling each about three-quarters full.
Bake until a toothpick inserted into centers comes out clean, about 20 minutes.
Let cool in tins on wire racks for 15 minutes. Remove cupcakes, and let cool completely.
To make the chocolate scythes: print out a picture of a scythe, and place it on a plate.
Put a piece of wax paper over the picture.
Place both candy writer tubes in a glass of warm (not boiling hot) water for a few minutes.
Knead both tubes to ensure candy is melted inside.
Trace the outline of the scythe on top of the wax paper with the black candy writer, and then fill in the blade with the white candy writer.
Place plate in the freezer to harden candy.
Remove chocolate scythe from the wax paper, and keep in the fridge for at least 10 minutes before using.
To make the frosting: Beat butter, raspberries, vanilla, and salt at medium speed with an electric mixer until creamy.
Gradually add powdered sugar, beating at low speed until blended and smooth after each addition.
Pipe onto completely cooled cupcakes.
Decorate each cake with 1 chocolate scythe.
Eat these in an attempt to stop entropic decay.

Here is some footage of Black Breath playing Razor to Oblivion. Enjoy!

Also, I really wanted to make Black Breath: Eat the Chip Witch, but those will have to wait for my next blog -Metal Ice Cream Sandwiches.

Black Sweets of Vengeance

2010-05-06T17:08:00.022-05:00

Contrary to popular belief, no members of the band Nile are from Egypt. Formed in 1993, their hometown is Greenville, South Carolina. Karl Sanders's lyrics reflect his fascination with Egyptology.

The band classifies themselves as "Ithyphallic Metal" in reference to their themes. "Ithyphallic" is a word that means "To have the penis erect." Yowsa!!

When they released their album Ithyphallic in 2007, fans had the opportunity to listen to the album 2 weeks early by deciphering a hieroglyphic message. "Papyrus" was the answer.

Pretty sweet, huh?

Nile is so heavy, that I find they help me concentrate when I'm baking up a new and/or difficult recipe.

This recipe was inspired by my favorite Nile song "Black Seeds of Vengeance."

In keeping with the Egyptian theme, I'm using the most popular fruit of ancient Egypt: Dates!

Nile: Black Sweets of Vengeance

Metal Constituents

1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature, plus more for tins
2 cups All-Purpose Flour, plus more for tins
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup Brandy
8 ounces Medjool Dates, halved and pitted
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1 cup packed dark-brown sugar
2 large eggs, room temperature
black food coloring

For The Glaze:

1 cup heavy cream
1 cup packed dark-brown sugar
1/2 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
1/4 cup Brandy
1/4 teaspoon salt

Merciless Instructions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Brush a cupcake tin with butter, dust each section with flour, tap out excess, and set aside.
Bring water, brandy, and dates to a boil in a saucepan over medium-high heat.
Reduce heat to medium-low, and cover.
Cook until dates are very soft, about 5 minutes.
Transfer mixture to a food processor or blender, and puree until smooth.
Let mixture cool for 15 minutes.
Whisk together flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon.
In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream butter and brown sugar until pale and fluffy.
Add eggs one at a time, beating until each is incorporated.
Reduce mixer speed to low, add flour mixture in 3 batches - alternating with 2 additions of date puree, beating until just combined.
Add lots of black, vengeful food coloring.
Divide batter evenly among sections of prepared cupcake tin.
Bake for 23 to 25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of one cake comes out clean. *about 10 minutes before end of baking time, start preparing glaze.
To make the glaze: Bring cream, brown sugar, and butter to a boil in a saucepan over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally
Cook for 3 minutes
Stir in brandy and salt, and cook 1 minute more.
To serve: pour about 2 Tablespoons of glaze over each cupcake as soon as it's removed from the oven.
Allow cakes to sit for 10 minutes in pan, before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
Place one cupcake on a plate, and pour about 2 Tablespoons more glaze over cupcake and serve immediately.
Destroy these sweets of vengeance, utterly.

Here is some footage of Nile playing "Black Seeds of Vengeance." I hope it helps you concentrate on the task at hand.

FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY!!

2010-04-07T08:00:00.003-05:00

Hey Kids!
If you're anywhere near New York City this Friday, April 9th, come eat free cupcakes with me at Happy Ending!
My Mom and I will be attending Cupcake Camp NYC 2010!

What is CupcakeCamp?
CupcakeCamp is an ad-hoc gathering born from the desire for people to share and eat cupcakes in an open environment.

How did CupcakeCamp come to fruition?
Ariel Waldman, Lynn, Marianne Masculino and Cindy Li created the CupcakeCamp phenomenon.

The event goes from 7pm-9:30pm.
You have to RSVP on-line and if you’re planning on entering cupcakes in the competition (judged by myself and 2 others), you’ll have to register as a baker.
The whole event is free to all. Happy Ending will be serving cupcake-themed cocktails too! I’m picturing lots of Vanilla Stoli and rainbow sprinkle rimmed martini glasses…
My Mom will be working my Merch Table (just stickers and buttons), so tip her well, she’s a super lady!

I hope to see all your beautiful, brutal faces there on Friday!
Kathy

Live Free and Bake

2010-04-02T16:30:00.013-05:00

The United States Department of Defense is located in Arlington, Virginia.
Unfortunately, Architect George Bergstrom really missed the mark when he built it in the shape of a Pentagon. A Pentagram would have been way more brutal!

Fortunately, Bobby Liebling, (also from Arlington, VA) got it right when he started the classic Doom Metal band, Pentagram.

Doom metal is heavily influenced by Black Sabbath, but who isn't?

Both the music and lyrics of Doom Metal intend to fill you with dread, despair, and a sense of impending doom. Witchfinder General and St. Vitus are two amazing Doom Metal bands as well. But back to Pentagram. Since they formed in 1971, they've gone through many line-up changes, with Liebling remaining constant. They've broken up and gotten back together several times over the years. Lately, they've played a few shows to promote the documentary "Last Rites: The Fall & Rise of Bobby Liebling." This film looks really great, I can't wait until it's released!

The amazing Swedish band Witchcraft started as a Pentagram cover band, and look at them now! The moral of this story is that Pentagram is so, so awesome!

This recipe was inspired by their song "Live Free and Burn." It involves some fancy frosting moves. I recommend getting yourself a frosting gun. They're cheap, and thrilling - just like me!

Pentagram: Live Free and
Bake

Metal Constituents:

Makes 1 dozen

2/3 cup whole frozen strawberries, thawed
1 1/2 cups all-purpose baking flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup whole milk
1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
1 cup sugar
1 large egg
2 large egg whites
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
12 fresh strawberries, cut into quarters

For the Frosting:

2 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
2 tablespoons heavy whipping cream
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3-4 cups powdered sugar
Red food coloring
Black food coloring

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees, line a cupcake tin with baking cups and set aside.
Place strawberries in a small food processor or blender, and process until pureed. You should have about 1/3 cup of puree.
In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt; set aside.
In a small bowl, whisk together milk and strawberry puree.
The bowl of an electric mixer, cream butter on medium-high until light and fluffy.
Gradually add sugar and continue to beat until well combined and fluffy.
Reduce mixer speed to low. Add egg, egg whites and vanilla. Beat until just blended.
With your mixer on low, slowly add half of the flour mixture.
Add the milk mixture.
Slowly add remaining flour mixture, and mix until just blended.
Fold in strawberry quarters.
Fill baking cups about 2/3 full.
Bake until a toothpick inserted into one of the cakes comes out clean, about 22-25 minutes.
Allow cupcakes to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before removing them to a wire rack to cool completely.
To make the frosting: Beat the butter in the bowl of an electric mixer at medium speed until creamy
Add the cream, vanilla, and 2 cups powdered sugar, and beat on low speed until light and fluffy.
Add remaining powdered sugar or just enough to arrive at the consistency and sweetness you like.
Divide frosting in half, and dye one portion red.
Divide the white frosting in half again, and dye one portion black.
Frost completely cooled cupcakes with white frosting first.
Using the red frosting, pipe little stars all around the top of the cupcake.
Use black frosting to draw a pentagram over the red stars.
Now you're gonna bake! Bake! Bake! Bake! Bake! Bake!

Enjoy some classic footage of Pentagram playing "Live Free and Burn:"

Wee Cakes of the Snowgoat

2010-03-05T22:00:00.005-06:00

One of the most metal movies of all time has to be Conan The Barbarian.
It's a classic tale of oppression and revenge with lots of animal pelts, long hair, swords, decapitation, and James Earl Jones (uh... Vader?).
At one point in the movie Conan says that when he dies, he will go in front of Crom, God of the Earth, who will ask of him the "Riddle of Steel." If he doesn't know the answer, Crom will mock him and cast him away from Valhalla. No one wants that, so in addition to seeking revenge against Thulsa Doom, Conan works to unravel the Riddle of Steel.

So. Fucking. Metal.
It seems only natural that this band from LA named themselves after Conan's lord! Phil Vera has been the only consistent member of Crom since they formed in 1992. One thing is clear about Crom, no one can tame them. From their less-than-legal use of numerous samples, to their allegiance with the coca leaf, they're a metal band unlike any other. They bridge the gap between metal and punk. Kids from both scenes love them.
This recipe was inspired by their song "Wee Hours of the Snowgoat" off their album Hot Sumarian Nights. No coca leaves are used in this recipe, only coconuts. It requires the use of a special, yet inexpensive mini cupcake pan. Hopefully you have one already. Also, mini cupcakes tend to dry out faster than normal sized ones, so please use this as an excuse to scarf them all down in one sitting.

To honor Crom, and their inability to be tamed, I present to you:

Crom: Wee Cakes of the Snowgoat

Metal Constituents:

2 14oz cans of unsweetened coconut milk
2 cups All-Purpose flour
2 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
1 1/3 cups sugar
3 large eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup reduced coconut milk
3/4 cup sweetened, shredded coconut

For the Frosting:

2 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
2 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1/3 cup reduced coconut milk
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/8 teaspoon salt
1 whole coconut, split in half

Merciless Instructions:

Reduce coconut milk by bringing to a boil in a large saucepan over medium-high heat.
Reduce heat to medium-low and boil until reduced to 1 1/2 cups, stirring occasionally *this takes about 25-30 minutes
Remove from heat, and allow to cool completely before transferring to a small bowl.
Cover bowl, and allow to chill in the fridge. You can do this step up to 2 days ahead of time.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees; line a mini-cupcake baking tin with liners and set aside.
Whisk flour, baking powder, and salt together in a medium bowl
Beat butter in the bowl of an electric mixer until smooth
Add sugar and beat on high until well blended
Add 2 eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition
Beat in vanilla and remaining egg
Add half of flour mixture, and beat on low
Add 1 cup reduced coconut milk, mix until just blended
Add remaining flour mixture and mix until blended
Stir in shredded coconut
Fill baking cups about 1/2 way full
Bake for 15-20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of one cupcake comes out clean.
Allow cupcakes to cool in the pan for 10 minutes, before removing them to a rack to let them cool completely.
To make the frosting: Beat butter in the bowl of an electric mixer until smooth
Add sugar, 1/3 cup coconut milk, vanilla extract, and salt. Beat until well blended.
Switch mixer to high and beat until light and fluffy
Pipe onto completely cooled cupcakes
To make coconut goat horns: using a vegetable peeler, peel a long strip of coconut meat from the inside of a whole coconut that has been split in half.
Roll strips into curls, and place them into the frosting on either side of the cake.
Bake these cakes, crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women.

Here's some footage of Crom playing "Zamora."
They're so awesome!

"Don't you know the Dewey Decimal System?!?"

(My Favorite) Cakemare

2010-01-25T12:03:00.008-06:00

Who doesn't love Metal Church?
People with terrible taste in music, that's who!!!

When I wake up with a Metal Church song in my head, I know it's going to be a good day.
Originally named Shrapnel, Metal Church formed in 1981. They named themselves after an apartment where Metallica and a bunch of other guys would come and go, form bands, and basically worship metal.
Lars Ulrich auditioned to play in Metal Church, but he didn't make the cut. Probably because he's such a douche bag.
Metal Church is a band that will always be awesome. Their self-titled, debut album is a classic. Every song is a triumph.
On a side note, this is the first Metalcake made using my brand new Martha Stewart Kitchen Aid mixer! It is by far the greatest appliance I own.

To honor a band that always puts me in a good mood, I present to you:

Metal Church: (My Favorite) Cakemare

Metal Constituents:

2 cups sugar
1 3/4 cups all purpose flour
3/4 cup Dutch processed cocoa
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
1 cup whole milk
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup boiling water
24 Ghirardelli Chocolate Raspberry Squares, chopped in half diagonally

For the Frosting:

1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
1 Tablespoon whole milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 cups powdered sugar
Purple food coloring (or red and blue food coloring)

Merciless Instructions:

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups and set aside.
Stir together sugar, flour, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in the bowl of an electric mixer.
Add eggs, milk, oil and vanilla.
Beat on medium speed for about 2 minutes
Add boiling water (batter will be thin)
Fill baking cups about 2/3 full
Place two halves of a chocolate raspberry square into the center of each cupcake.
Bake for 25-30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the middle of one cake comes out clean.
Allow cakes to cool in the pan for 10 minutes, before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
To make the frosting: Beat the butter with an electric mixer until creamy.
Add milk, vanilla extract, and powdered sugar, beat until fluffy.
Add purple food coloring until desired shade is achieved.
Pipe frosting onto completely cooled cupcakes.
I topped mine with red sugar sprinkles and black edible glitter.
Screeeeeeeeaaaaaam for your cakes!

Here's a live clip of Metal Church playing "Metal Church."
It's oh, so good! Are you ready?

Baking the Cakes of Men

2010-01-11T13:41:00.014-06:00

Oh Swamp Metal... You're so fucking great. Definitely Southern, definitely sludgy, and definitely brutal, Swamp is a metal genre unlike any other. It embodies all the hot, humid, anger and distortion that you don't get from bands that reside in cooler climates.

Black Tusk is one of my very favorite Swamp Metal bands. In addition to Athon's impressive beard, I can't seem to get enough of their unrelenting rock. Just when you think they've given you a moment to catch your breath, they mercilessly assault you again, right in the fucking face. Getting kicked while you're down never felt so good.

Other Swamp Metal bands that rule are Kylesa, and Baroness. Stay tuned for Metalcakes baked in their honor as well.

This recipe was inspired by the song "Breaking the Backs of Men." It features two very Southern and Swampy ingredients: Southern Comfort and Pecans. Men like those, right?

Black Tusk: Baking the Cakes of Men

Makes 30

Metal Constituents:

2 2/3 cups sugar
2 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
2 large eggs
2 large egg yolks
2/3 cup milk
1/3 cup water
1/3 cup Southern Comfort
2 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
2 2/3 cup all-purpose flour
1 1/3 cups cake flour
4 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup pecans, finely chopped

For the frosting:

1 cup Whipping Cream
Pinch of salt
1/3 cup flour, sifted
2 sticks butter, room temperature
1 1/2 cup confectioner's sugar
2 Tablespoons Maple Syrup
crushed pecans for topping

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees, line cupcake tin with baking cups and set aside.
Beat together sugar and butter until light and fluffy.
Add eggs and egg yolks, one at a time, beating thoroughly after each addition.
Add milk, water, So Co, and Vanilla. Beat until well combined.
In separate bowl, whisk together both flours, baking powder, and salt.
Add flour mixture to butter mixture in 3 batches, beating thoroughly after each addition.
Fold in pecans.
Scoop batter into baking cups filling about 2/3 full.
Bake for 18-25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of cupcake comes out clean.
Let cool in pan for 10 minutes.
Transfer cupcakes to a wire rack to cool completely.
To make the Frosting: Stir together cream, salt, and flour until no lumps remain.
Cook mixture over medium heat, stirring constantly, until it resembles a paste that pulls away from the sides of the pan easily. It should be the consistency of smooth mashed potatoes.
Allow mixture to cool completely.
Transfer mixture to the bowl of an electric mixer, beat in butter
Add sugar, continue beating
Add Maple Syrup, and beat until fluffy.
Pipe onto completely cooled cupcakes, and sprinkle with pecans.
Share with men you may or may not know.

Here's the video for "Facedriver" off their album The Fallen Kingdom.
Enjoy!

Edible Autopsy Cakes

2009-12-18T10:11:00.005-06:00

Nothing brings people closer together than Cannibal Corpse.
Alex Webster (bass) came up with the name for the band, and defines a Cannibal Corpse as "an undead corpse that's going to eat you."
Their horror heavy lyrics have stirred up some controversy over the years. In 1995, Bob Dole accused Cannibal Corpse, along with 2 Live Crew, of "undermining the national character of the United States."
Puh-lease!! At least they don't constantly refer to themselves in the 3rd person.
Some of Cannibal Corpse's more controversial song titles include "Meat Hook Sodomy," "I Cum Blood," "Necropedophile," and "Fucked With A Knife."
George "Corpsegrinder" Fisher (vocals) says that in their songs "there’s nothing ever serious. We’re not thinking of anybody in particular that we’re trying to kill, or harm or anything...How can you say we’re promoting violence with imaginary creatures? The people doing the killing in our songs are zombies."

So this Holiday season, let's all forget our troubles, put aside our differences, and unite around a tasty batch of these (it's what baby Jesus would want):

Cannibal Corpse: Edible Autopsy Cakes

Metal Constituents:

6 cups finely diced mixed dried fruit, such as dried apples, pears, apricots, cherries, cranberries, raisins, golden raisins, etc.
1 1/2 cups chopped walnuts
1 1/4 cups brandy
1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
3/4 cup packed light-brown sugar
3 large eggs, lightly beaten
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
3/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon cardamom
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 cup apricot jam, warmed

Merciless Instructions

In a large bowl, combine dried fruit, walnuts, and brandy.
Cover with plastic wrap and let stand 8 hours, or up to 1 day, stirring occasionally
Preheat oven to 300 degrees, and line a cupcake tin with baking cups, set aside
In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy
Beat in eggs
In another bowl, whisk together flour, salt and spices
Reduce mixer speed to low and beat in flour mixture in 2 additions
Fold fruit mixture into batter
Fill each baking cup almost to the top with batter (these cakes don't rise very much at all), and tap pan on counter to settle batter
Bake for 25-30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a cake comes out clean
Transfer cakes to a wire rack to cool completely
Once cakes have completely cooled, brush them with apricot jam
Grab your rusty blade, and rip through fruit and cake.

Here is some footage of "Edible Autopsy" from the DVD Cannibal Corpse Eats Moscow Alive.

Happy Holidays from Metalcakes!

Beneath The Cookies and Cremains

2009-11-16T19:06:00.000-06:00

To be perfectly honest, I'm kind of glad that Rio de Janiero beat out Chicago for the 2016 Olympics.
Since I work downtown, I can only imagine myself wading through the massive gobs of Hawaiian-Shirted, socks-with-sandals wearing, tourists who don't know enough to hang on to something BEFORE the L starts moving.
Plus, maybe now Brazil can have Sepultura play the opening ceremony!!

Sepultura is from Brazil and their name means "Grave" in Portuguese.
Not only have they released eleven albums so far, but they've changed a lot over the years. I'm a bigger fan of their early death metal stuff (Bestial Devastation/Morbid Visions), and their thrash stuff (Schizophrenia, Beneath The Remains, Arise). Today they're much more of a hardcore band. But don't get me wrong, they're still awesome!

To honor Sepultura, and to encourage the Brazillian government to book them for the opening Olympic ceremonies in 2016, I present to you:

Sepultura: Beneath the Cookies and Cremains

Metal Constituents

2 1/3 cups all purpose flour
1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
12 Tablespoons (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
2 cups firmly packed light brown sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
4 eggs
1 1/2 cups buttermilk, room temperature
24 Oreo cookies, twisted open

For the Frosting:

1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
1 3/4 cup confectioners' sugar, sifted
pinch of salt
1/3 cup heavy whipping cream
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 cup crushed Oreos

Merciless Instructions

Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups and set aside.
In a medium bowl, sift together the flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, baking soda and salt; set aside.
In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat the butter on medium speed until smooth.
Gradually add the brown sugar and continue beating until fluffy, scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed.
Beat in the vanilla. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.
With the mixer on low speed, add the flour mixture in three additions, alternating with the buttermilk, beginning and ending with the flour mixture.
Mix just until all the dry ingredients have been incorporated, being careful not to overmix.
Place 1/2 an Oreo cookie (cream side up) in the bottom of each baking cup.
Divide the batter between the prepared cupcake liners. Bake until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, about 18-20 minutes.
Transfer the cupcakes to a wire rack and let cool to room temperature.
To make the frosting: In the bowl of an electric mixer, blend together butter, confectioners' sugar, and salt until creamy
Increase mixer speed to high and beat until light and fluffy
Add whipping cream and vanilla, beat until smooth
Fold in crushed Oreos
Spread on completely cooled cakes (the Oreo pieces clogged up my frosting gun).
Mortality, Insanity, Fatality, OREO-ality

Lord of Dessert

2009-10-19T19:06:00.002-05:00

In case you didn't know it, Bejma is a Polish last name. My Dad's Grandpa moved to America from Poland, so did my Mom's Mom. Sadly, I've never been to Poland, but my love for the mother country is strong. Especially when it comes to golumpki, potato pancakes, pierogi, kapusta, czernina, chrusciki, and pączek.
I'm also a huge fan of Krzysztof Kieślowski.

But in terms of Polish death metal, no one can compare to Vader.
They've named themselves after Luke's father, because their music is just as dark and menacing. Although, none of them seem to have any breathing problems or a pasty, freshly-removed-band-aid type head (unfortunately).
They've been around since 1983, and I personally feel they are greatly underrated.

This cupcake recipe is based on a traditional Polish Plum Cake, and was inspired by the song "Lord of Desert."

Dedicated to Karolina Zaniesienko, one of my very favorite readers.

Vader: Lord of Dessert

Metal Constituents:

2 1/3 cups All Purpose Flour
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 + 1/2 cup sugar
1 stick, plus 3 Tablespoons butter- room temperature
3/4 cup milk
2 large eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
6 fresh plums, pitted and cut into thin slices

For the glaze:

1 Tablespoons butter
2 cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 to 4 Tablespoons milk
1/4 teaspoon salt

Merciless Instructions:

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees
Line a cupcake tin with baking cups, and set aside
In a large bowl, combine flour, baking powder, salt, and 3/4 cup sugar
Add 1 stick of butter, milk, eggs and vanilla
Beat at medium speed for about 4 minutes
Pour about 2 tablespoons of batter into baking cups, place 3 slices of plum on top
Add more batter until baking cup is 2/3 full
Place 1 or 2 more slices of plum on top of each
Mix remaining 1/4 cup sugar and 3 tablespoons butter together, and spread on top of each plum slice
Bake for 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the side of the cupcake (around a plum slice) comes out clean
Allow cakes to cool in the pan for 20 minutes, before removing to a rack to cool completely.
To make the glaze: melt butter in the microwave
Add melted butter to powdered sugar, vanilla, 3 Tablespoons milk, and salt
Mix well, adding more milk until desired consistency is reached
Drizzle glaze all over completely cooled Plum cupcakes
Make these red dunes, at your home. Na zdrowie!

Here's some live footage of Vader playing the title track off their album Reign Forever World.

Cupcake the Gorgon

2009-09-21T19:06:00.000-05:00

So there's this band from around here called Lair of the Minotaur. Their intent is to make heavy-fucking-metal based on the bloodiest tales in Greek Mythology.
Not only have they successfully achieved this goal, but they've also captured my metal heart in the process. They are absolutely, without a doubt, one of my very favorite local bands.
The video for "War Metal Battle Master" from their latest album of the same name, premiered when the Horror Society Film Festival was here. Awesome!
They also have a burger named after them at the always popular Kuma's Corner burger joint.
It features Caramelized Onions, Pancetta, Brie, and Bourbon Soaked Pears. I'm not exactly sure how those toppings make it a Lair of the Minotaur burger (they're from Chicago, not France or Italy), but it seems to be a popular burger nonetheless. And Kuma's is always a fun place to hang out at. I recommend the waffle fries and as many types of beer as your liver will let you try.

Oh, and in case you're not quite sure, a Gorgon is a monster of the underworld from Greek Mythology. "Gorgos" means terrible in Greek. Medusa was one of 3 Gorgons that did not possess immortality.

To honor Lair of the Minotaur and their brutal contribution to my local metal scene, I give you:

Lair of the Minotaur: Cupcake the Gorgon

Metal Constituents

Vanilla Batter:

2 2/3 cups All-Purpose Flour
1 2/3 cups sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
3 sticks unsalted butter, softened
7 large eggs
3 tablespoons dark rum

Chocolate Batter:

2 Tablespoons dark rum
2 Tablespoons milk
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
6 oz bittersweet chocolate, melted and cooled
2 cups vanilla batter

For the Frosting:

1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
1 Tablespoon milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups powdered sugar
green food coloring

For the Chocolate Snakes:

2 cups chocolate chips, melted

Merciless Instructions

Pre-heat the oven to 325 degrees, line a cupcake tin with baking cups and set aside
Make the vanilla batter first: In the bowl of an electric mixer, combine flour, sugar, baking powder and salt. Stir well by hand to mix.
Add butter and mix on low speed until it becomes a smooth, heavy paste (about 1 to 2 minutes)
Whisk the eggs and rum together
With the mixer on medium speed, beat 1/3 of the egg mixture into the flour and butter mixture. Continue beating for about 1 minute
Stop the mixer, add 1/2 of the leftover egg mixture, and beat for 2 minutes
Repeat with the rest of the egg mixture
For the chocolate batter: combine rum, milk, and baking soda in a medium sized mixing bowl
Add chocolate, whisk mixture well
Add 2 cups of the vanilla batter, mix well
Scoop about 3 Tablespoons of each batter into opposite sides of each baking cup
Once all cups have been filled with each batter, take a chop stick and swirl the two batters together slightly. Only go around the cup about 3 times.
Bake for 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a cupcake comes out clean
Allow cupcakes to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before removing them to a rack to cool completely
To make the frosting: Use an electric mixer to beat the butter until it's creamy
Add milk, vanilla, and powdered sugar
Beat on low speed until light and fluffy
Add green food coloring until desired shade of gorgon skin is achieved
Frost completely cooled cakes
To make the chocolate snakes: line a large plate or baking sheet with wax paper
Melt chocolate chips in microwave for 30 seconds, stir
Repeat microwaving at 15 second intervals, stirring each time until chocolate chips are melted and smooth
Fill a squeeze bottle or pastry bag (fitted with a small tip), with the melted chocolate
Pipe chocolate onto wax paper in the shape of several snakes
Place plate or baking sheet full of snakes into the freezer, and allow chocolate to harden for about 15-20 minutes
Place snakes into frosting to make your cupcake look like a gorgon
Enjoy your Demoness of the Grotesque

Here's some live footage featuring Larry of the Minotaur:

These Are My Dress Cakes

2009-08-17T19:06:00.000-05:00

Bison B.C. are from Canada (British Columbia to be exact). They are part of this amazing Canadian Metal movement that has produced such brutal bands as 3 Inches of Blood, Despised Icon, and Deamon.
Bison B.C. are known for their riffs, which have been described as "colossal" and "flowing like a mighty river into a sea of fuzzed out shredding."

But what do Bison B.C. have to say about themselves? Let's find out:

Crawling through the forest of time, we came to destroy your life - so you might rebuild it again with these ideals more in mind: rock, rock and more rock. So forget about your life for a moment and bang your fucking head.

Sounds like a plan!
To honor these Canadian champions of metal, I give you:

Bison B.C.: These Are My Dress Cakes

Metal Constituents:

2 sticks unsalted butter
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup light brown sugar
4 large eggs
6 oz unsweetened baking chocolate
2 cups cake flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup buttermilk, room temperature
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 cups white chocolate chips

For the Vanilla Frosting:

2 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
2 Tablespoons milk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
4 cups powdered sugar
mini chocolate chips

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cupcake tin with papers and set aside.
Cream butter, sugar, and brown sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer
Add eggs one at a time, beating thoroughly after each
Melt chocolate in microwave at 15 second intervals, stirring each time. Allow chocolate to cool to room temperature, then add to mixture
Sift together cake flour and baking soda
Mix together buttermilk and vanilla
Alternately add flour mixture and buttermilk mixture in 3 additions (starting and ending with flour mixture)
Stir in white chocolate chips
Fill each cupcake paper about 2/3 full. Bake for 20-25 minutes or until a cake tester comes out clean
To make the vanilla frosting: Beat the butter in the bowl of an electric mixer at medium speed until creamy.
Add the milk, vanilla, and 2 cups of powdered sugar. Beat at low speed until light and fluffy.
Add more powdered sugar to arrive at the consistency and sweetness you like.
Frost completely cooled cakes, and top with mini chocolate chips.
Bring to your next Black Tie event.

Here's some footage of Bison B.C. playing "These ARE My Dress Clothes" in Vancouver. Enjoy!

Don't Break the Yolk

2009-07-20T19:06:00.000-05:00

If you had a favorite human skull, what would you name it?
Skully? Boner? Sugar?
King Diamond named his Melissa.
Melissa apparently was a woman burned at the stake for practicing witchcraft. Several songs written by King Diamond went on to describe how unbearable the loss was, and vow revenge against the priest that burned Melissa.
In a tragic twist of events, Melissa was lost to all of us again when she was stolen after Mercyful Fate played a show in the Netherlands. Oh... The Dutch.
Fortunately, King Diamond saved Melissa's femurs, and was able to attach them to his microphone.

To honor Mercyful Fate, King Diamond, and Melissa, I present to you:

Mercyful Fate: Don't Break the Yolk

Metal Constituents:

1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cups sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 cup vegetable oil
4 egg yolks (approximately 3 ounces)
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 teaspoon lemon extract, all natural
grated rind from 1 lemon
1 teaspoon bitters
5 egg whites (approximately 5 ounces)
1/4 teaspoon cream of tarter
1/4 cup sugar

For the Meringue Frosting:

4 large egg whites
2/3 cup sugar
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest
Pinch cream of tartar
Pinch fine salt

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F, line a cupcake tin with baking cups and set aside.
Sift flour, sugar, salt, and baking powder into the bowl of a standing mixer.
In a medium bowl, combine oil, egg yolks, lemon juice, lemon extract, lemon rind, and bitters. Stir to combine.
On a low setting, start to beat the dry mixture and slowly add the wet. Increase the mixer speed to medium and beat until incorporated.
Transfer mixture to another bowl. Wash and dry mixer bowl.
Whip egg whites with whisk attachment on medium-high speed until foamy.
With the mixer on medium speed, add cream of tarter and slowly add sugar.
Beat on high speed until stiff peaks form.
Scoop a cupful of the stiff egg whites, and gently fold into the batter. This should lighten up the batter.
Transfer the batter to the rest of the egg whites, and gently fold until there are no more streaks of egg white.
Scoop into cupcake cups about 2/3s full.
Bake for 22-25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.
For Meringue Frosting: Bring a few inches of water to a boil in a saucepan that can hold a mixer's bowl above the water.
Whisk the egg whites, sugar, lemon juice and zest, cream of tarter and salt in the bowl by hand.
Set the bowl above the boiling water and continue whisking until the mixture is hot to the touch and the sugar dissolves, about 1 to 2 minutes.
Transfer the mixture to a standing mixer fitted with the whisk attachment and beat at medium-high speed until meringue is cool and holds a soft peak, about 5 minutes.
Continue beating until it holds stiff peaks.
Top completely cooled cakes with Meringue frosting.
Make Melissa proud.

Baptized in Fire and Frosting

2009-06-12T19:06:00.000-05:00

Who likes Viking Metal?
Raise your battle axe!!

Formed in Stockholm in 1983 by the late, great Quorthon, Bathory are absolutely the pioneers of Viking Metal. Featuring a galloping pace, and lyrics that reference Norse Mythology, their album Hammerheart set the standards for Viking Metal.
Other Viking Metal bands worth checking out are Týr, Enslaved, Svartsot and Turisas.

Their name was inspired by Elizabeth (Erzsebet) Bathory. She was a 17th century Hungarian noblewoman, who allegedly enjoyed bathing in the blood of virgin women to keep herself young. Most estimates on the number of girls she killed are between 600 and 700. In 1610, she was imprisoned in Csejte Castle (Čachtice Castle), where she remained on house arrest. She was sealed with bricks into a set of rooms until her death four years later.

While I don't condone bathing in virgin blood, I do condone baking these cupcakes as a tribute to Bathory and Viking Metal.

Bathory: Baptized in Fire and Frosting

Metal Constituents:

2 sticks butter, room temperature
2 cups sugar
4 large eggs, room temperature
1/4 cup grated blood orange zest (about 4 blood oranges)
3 cups+ 2 Tablespoons all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup fresh squeezed blood orange juice
3/4 cup buttermilk, room temperature
1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract
2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

For the Frosting:

8oz Cream Cheese, room temperature
1 stick butter, room temperature
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon Vanilla extract
4 cups confectioners' sugar
Zest of 1 blood orange
Juice of 1 blood orange

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees, line a cupcake tin with baking cups
Cream the butter and sugar together using an electric mixer
Add eggs, one at a time
Add blood orange zest
Sift together 3 cups flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a large bowl
In another bowl, combine orange juice, buttermilk, and vanilla
Add the flour and buttermilk mixtures alternately to the butter and sugar mixture, beginning and ending with the flour
Toss the chocolate chips with the 2 tablespoons of flour (this will ensure that they remain evenly distributed throughout the batter)
Add chocolate chips to the batter
Scoop batter into baking cups, and bake for 25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a cupcake comes out clean.
Allow cakes to cool in pan for 10 minutes, before removing them to a wire rack to cool completely.
To make the Frosting: Beat the cream cheese and butter until light and fluffy (about 2 minutes)
Add the cocoa, vanilla, and powder sugar. Beat until well combined.
Add zest and continue beating one minute more.
Add blood orange juice one teaspoon at a time until desired consistency is reached.
Baptize completely cooled cakes.

Black Bile Cakes

2009-05-19T19:06:00.008-05:00

I really love Graves at Sea.
Besides having a fucking great band name, they're brutal as hell.
To my dismay, they formed in 2002, and broke up in 2005. *sigh*
But they've left us all with their brilliantly heavy, sludge metal to cherish always.

Documents of Grief is their only full-length album. I suggest if you don't already own a copy, drop what you're doing and go get it, NOW.

It's okay, this recipe will still be here when you get back.

To honor the disbanded Graves at Sea, I give you:

Graves at Sea: Black Bile Cakes

Metal Constituents:

1½ cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 cup sugar
3 large eggs
1½ teaspoons pure vanilla extract
¾ cup milk

For the Filling:

2 cups Whole milk
½ cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
pinch of salt
4 egg yolks
¼ cup cornstarch
2 tablespoons butter
Black food coloring

For the Ganache:

10 ounces bittersweet chocolate
1 cup heavy cream
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 tablespoon butter, room temperature
2 cups powdered sugar

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat the oven to 350°, and line a cupcake tin with baking cups.
In a medium bowl, sift together flour, baking powder, and salt.
In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy.
Add eggs, one at a time, scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed.
Beat in vanilla.
Add flour mixture and milk alternatively, beginning and ending with flour mixture.
Divide batter evenly among cupcake liners, about three-quarters full each.
Bake until golden and tops spring back when touched, about 20 minutes, rotating pan once if needed. Transfer pans to wire rack; cool completely.
To make the Black Bile Filling: Heat milk, ¼ cup of the sugar, the vanilla, and salt in a pan over medium until it reaches a simmer.
Whisk egg yolks, cornstarch, and remaining ¼ cup sugar in a medium sized bowl until combined.
Slowly add ½ cup of the hot milk mixture to the egg mixture, whisking continuously.
Add remaining milk mixture slowly while whisking.
Transfer back into the pan and heat over medium-high heat, whisking constantly until it thickens. It will thicken all of a sudden, give it a good whisk then take it off the heat.
Transfer to the bowl of an electric mixer, add the butter, and enough black food coloring to achieve the desired shade of black bile.
Beat on medium speed for 3 minutes.
Transfer to a bowl, cover with plastic wrap touching the cream, and refrigerate until cool, about an hour or so. *This can be made a day in advance*
To Make the Ganache: Chop chocolate and transfer into a heat proof bowl.
Heat cream until bubbles form around the edge of the pan, pour cream over the chocolate.
Let sit for 1 minute then stir until combined.
Add butter and vanilla and stir until all chocolate is melted and combined. If the chocolate won’t completely melt, place bowl over a water bath to finish the job.
Transfer to the bowl of an electric mixture and let cool for 10 minutes.
Sift powdered sugar into the mixture and beat until combined.
Continue to beat with an electric mixer until lighter in color and creamy.
Transfer to a bowl and chill in the refrigerator for 1-2 hours.
To assemble cakes: Once cakes have cooled completely,use a small pairing knife, and cut off the top of each cupcake in the shape of a cone.
Flip the top over and cut off the cone.
Using a small spoon, or a pastry bag, fill the cavity with pastry cream -I mean black bile.
Replace the top of the cone.
Frost cakes with ganache. I also added a touch of red decorating gel to mine.
Your cake runneth over with blood and bile.

Here's some live footage of Graves at Sea playing "Pariah," enjoy!:

Cupcakes for the Aurochs

2009-04-29T19:06:00.000-05:00

As many of you Guitar Heroes know, The Sword have a song on Guitar Hero 2 called "Freya".

While it is a delightful tune, I'd have to say that my favorite song off the album Age of Winters is "Lament for the Aurochs."
In case you're wondering, an Auroch is a kind of extinct Ox. Aurochs were also known to have very aggressive temperaments (metal) and killing one was seen as a great act of courage in ancient cultures. This probably explains why they're extinct.

The Aurochs by Heinrich Harder (1858-1935)

To honor our fallen fellow Mammals, and their inspiration to The Sword, I give you:

The Sword: Cupcakes for the Aurochs

Metal Constituents:>

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon grated nutmeg
1 1/2 sticks butter, melted
1 cup light brown sugar
1 large egg
2 tablespoons plain, low-fat yogurt
1/4 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups grated carrots (about 3-4 medium carrots)

For the Frosting:

8oz package of Cream Cheese, room temperature
3/4 cup confectioner's sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Merciless Instructions

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Line cupcake pans with liners; set aside.
In a large mixing bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, ginger, and nutmeg.
In another bowl, whisk together melted butter, brown sugar, egg, yogurt, and vanilla.
Stir in carrots.
Gradually add dry ingredients to butter mixture, and stir until well combined.
Fill baking cups about 2/3 full.
Bake about 25-30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of one comes out clean.
Transfer to a wire rack; let cool completely.
To make the frosting: Mix the cream cheese, confectioner's sugar, and vanilla together.
Beat at low speed, until light and fluffy.
Add enough green food coloring to create a shade enticing to cattle.
Frost completely cooled cupcakes.
Enjoy while awaiting the return of the Aurochs.

Here's the video for another song off Age of Winters, called "Winter's Wolves."
It goes along well with the Harder painting pictured above.
Enjoy!

Also I'd like to give a shout-out to my favorite knitting instructor: Hi Sharon!
I'm glad your Celtic Frost cupcakes turned out good!

Suicide (by Cupcake)

2009-04-11T19:06:00.000-05:00

Honestly, have you ever seen a more brutal album cover? I have to say this is my favorite cover of all time. I'm not kidding! Look at these vikings! Admire their ginger beards! Behold the carnage! Fear slipping off the icy mountain top!

As if this cover wasn't enough, the whole album fucking rules. My favorite track has to be "Suicide" (Red Fang covered this song, and did a really great job). I like to picture the drummer Marc Bell (AKA Marky Ramone) using Brontosaurus bones when pounding out this tune.

Dust only released 2 albums before going their separate ways. *sigh* But it's always best to go out on a high note. They will forever hold a place in my cold, black heart.

Because this recipe has so many intense, sinfully, suicidal elements, I recommend using 2 different mixes to save both time and money.

In honor of Dust, I give you:

Dust: Suicide (by Cupcake)

Metal Constituents

1 box Ghirardelli Double Chocolate Brownie Mix
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1/3 cup water
1 egg

For the Cookie Dough:

1 pouch (1lb 1.5 oz) Betty Crocker chocolate chip cookie mix
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 egg

For the Frosting:

1 stick of butter, room temperature
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
3 cups confectioners' sugar, sifted
3 to 5 Tablespoons of milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Merciless Instructions

Preheat oven to 325 degrees, line a cupcake tin with baking papers.
Make brownie mix as directed on box, using vegetable oil, water and an egg.
Fill each cupcake paper about 2/3 full with brownie batter.
Make cookie dough as directed on the package, using butter and an egg.
Drop cookie dough by rounded tablespoonfuls into each cupcake, and press down slightly.
Bake 25-30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the side of a cupcake, comes out almost clean.
Let cakes cool in pan for 20 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.
To make the frosting: Place the butter and cocoa powder in a large mixing bowl. Blend with an electric mixer on low speed until the mixture is soft and well combined, about 30 seconds.
Stop the machine and add the confectioners’ sugar, 3 tablespoons of the milk, and the vanilla. Blend with the mixer on low speed until the sugar is incorporated, about 1 minute.
Increase the speed to medium and beat until light and fluffy, about 1 minute more.
Add 1 to 2 Tablespoons more milk if the frosting is too stiff.
Spread on completely cooled cakes. Sprinkle with various suicidal implements, such as rainbow sprinkles and mini chocolate chips.
Enjoy, pretty soon you'll be gone.

Kenny Aaronson

Marc Bell

Richie Wise

I couldn't find any live footage of Dust.
This is all I have to offer (close your eyes and enjoy):

Cupcakes of the Tyrants

2009-03-31T07:16:00.007-05:00

Zürich, Switzerland has been ranked as having the highest quality of life in the world. I'm pretty sure this is due to the fact that it's the hometown of legendary black metal band,Celtic Frost.
Their first album, Morbid Tales (1984) and the following Ep, Emperor's Return (1985) are their crowning achievements. I don't know about you, but I never get tired of listening to Tom Warrior growl about civilizations crumbling into decay. Brutal.

To honor Celtic Frost, and their contribution to the Swiss standard of living, I give you:

Celtic Frost: Cupcakes of the Tyrants

Metal Constituents:

4 Tablespoons butter
3oz milk chocolate, broken into pieces
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa
1 packet Swiss Miss Milk Chocolate Hot Cocoa Mix
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup milk
1 egg, slightly beaten
1/2 cup sour cream
1 teaspoon vanilla

For the Frosting:

1/4 teaspoon salt
2 egg whites
1/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup corn syrup
1 1/4 teaspoon vanilla
mini chocolate chips

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees
Prepare a cupcake tin with baking cups
Put the butter and milk chocolate pieces together in a microwave-safe bowl, and nuke on high for 30 seconds.
Stir gently and nuke for another 30 seconds, or until they mix together into a smooth paste when stirred
In a large mixing bowl, mix the flour, sugar, cocoa, Swiss Miss, baking powder, baking soda, and salt together.
In another bowl, mix the milk, beaten egg, sour cream, and vanilla together
Add the butter chocolate mixture, and wet ingredients to the dry ingredients all at once
Beat until well combined
Fill baking cups about 2/3 full and bake for 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean
Allow cakes to cool in the pan for 10 minutes, before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.
To make the frosting: Add salt to egg whites, and beat with an electric mixer until soft peaks form
Gradually add sugar 1 Tablespoon at a time, beating until smooth and glossy
Slowly add corn syrup, beating until firm peaks form
Add vanilla
Spread onto completely cooled cakes, and sprinkle with mini chocolate chips
Nihil Verum Nisi Mors.

Love me Like a Cupcake

2009-03-09T07:06:00.011-05:00

After being sacked from Hawkwind in 1975 for "doing the wrong drugs," Lemmy Kilmister decided to start his own band. Originally called Bastard, Motörhead aimes to be the dirtiest rock and roll band in the whole world.
It's been said that if Motörhead moved in next door to you, your lawn would die.
Even though Lemmy prefers Motörhead be classified under Rock 'n Roll as opposed to metal, their influence on most metal bands cannot be denied. Therefore, I feel the need to honor them with a Metalcake.

Presenting:

Motörhead: Love Me Like a Cupcake

Metal Constituents:

1/2 cup Jameson or Maker's Mark whiskey
6 ounces bittersweet (70% cocoa) chocolate (such as Scharffen Berger or Lindt), chopped
2 teaspoons instant espresso powder dissolved in 6 tablespoons hot water
1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
7 tablespoons vanilla sugar divided
3 large eggs, separated
Pinch of fine sea salt
4 tablespoons all purpose flour

For the Ganache:

4 ounces bittersweet chocolate
1/3 cup heavy cream
1 tablespoon butter, room temperature
1 teaspoon Jameson or Maker's Mark whiskey

Merciless Instructions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare cupcake tin with baking papers.
Boil 1/2 cup of whiskey in a small saucepan until reduced to 1/4 cup, about 2 minutes
Combine bittersweet chocolate, espresso powder mixture, and 1/4 cup boiled whiskey in small metal bowl
Place bowl over saucepan of simmering water; stir until mixture is smooth. Remove bowl from over water.
Using an electric mixer, beat 1/2 cup butter and 6 Tablespoons of Vanilla Sugar until fluffy
Beat in egg yolks, one at a time
Add sea salt
Fold in Chocolate Mixture
Using clean, dry beaters, beat egg whites in another bowl until soft peaks form
Gradually add remaining Tablespoon of Vanilla Sugar, and beat until stiff peaks form
Fold whites into batter in 3 batches, alternating with A.P.Flour
Transfer batter to prepared cupcake tin
Bake until a tester inserted into the center of a cupcake comes out clean, about 25-30 minutes
Cool in pan for 10 minutes, before removing to a rack to cool completely
To make the ganache: Chop the chocolate, and transfer it to a heat-proof bowl
Heat the cream in a small saucepan until simmering, and then poor over the chocolate
Let the mixture sit for 1 minute, and then stir until smooth
Add the butter and whiskey, and stir until combined
Let the ganache cool until thick, but soft enough to be piped (the fridge will speed this process along, but you must stir it every 10 minutes)
Spread on completely cooled cupcakes
Sink your fangs in

"Don't drink water, fish fuck in it."

Cupcakes From the Deep

2009-02-23T07:06:00.008-06:00

Welcome back thrash!!!
Evile is a band from Huddersfield, England that is awesomely reviving thrash metal. I've really missed good thrash. Why did it ever go away? Who doesn't love the perfect marriage of hardcore punk, and the New Wave of British Heavy Metal (NWOBHM)?

Their entire debut album Enter the Grave is great. I honestly could have baked a cupcake for each song. The first song off this album is entitled "Thrasher." It is a masterpiece. I also recommend listening to "First Blood," a song about Rambo. Brilliant.
But if I ever found myself forced at knife point to pick my absolute favorite song from this album, I'd have to say it's "Killer From the Deep." It describes all my scariest, and therefore best, shark attack nightmares with uncanny accuracy.

To honor Evile, and the triumphant return of great thrash metal, I give you:

Evile: Cupcakes From the Deep

Metal Constituents

2 sticks butter, room temperature
2 cups sugar
5 extra-large eggs
3 cups cake flour
1 cup buttermilk
3 Tablespoons vanilla
blue food coloring
1 cup red Kissables

For the Frosting:

1 stick butter (room temperature)
4 cups confectioner's sugar
4 Tablespoons milk
1 teaspoon Vanilla extract
1 pinch salt

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups, and set aside.
In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat butter until softened.
Add eggs and sugar; beat until well combined.
With mixer on low speed, add flour in three parts, alternating with buttermilk and beginning and ending with flour.
Stir in vanilla, Kissables, and enough blue food coloring to achieve desired ocean blue shade.
Fill prepared muffin cups three-quarters full with batter.
Bake until a cake tester inserted into the center of a cupcake comes out clean, about 20 to 25 minutes.
Transfer to a wire rack and let cupcakes cool completely in the cupcake tin.
For the frosting:In a small bowl, beat together butter, sugar, milk, vanilla, and salt until light and fluffy.
Add enough blue food coloring to achieve desired ocean blue shade, again.
Frost completely cooled cupcakes. For that extra brutal, chummy look, I also sprayed mine with red food coloring by Wilton.
You've entered the cupcake zone.

Enjoy this video for "Thrasher:"

Hell Bent for Cupcakes

2009-01-23T07:06:00.002-06:00

When I was about 10 years old, I remember watching an episode of 60 Minutes with my parents. The story they were airing was about how 2 kids tried to kill themselves after listening to a Judas Priest record. Apparently the band was accused of putting a subliminal message of "do it" in their song "Better By You, Better Than Me."
The subliminal command in the song was blamed for triggering the suicide attempt.
I remember my parents being shocked and saying, "Now Kathleen, you don't listen to this Judas Priest band, do you?!" I replied that I didn't, but I was totally thinking "Man...I should start!!!" It's funny now to think of how forbidden that was at the time.

In the documentary Dream Deceivers: The Story Behind James Vance Vs. Judas Priest, Rob Halford said if they wanted to insert subliminal commands in their music, killing their fans would be counterproductive and they would prefer to insert the command "Buy more of our records."
Good point.
When I listen to Judas Priest, I don't want to kill myself! I want to knock things over, wear leather, and bake!! Fuck Yeah!!

Judas Priest: Hell Bent for Cupcakes

Metal Constituents:

1 cup white sugar
1 stick butter (room temperature)
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 3/4 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 cup milk

For the frosting:

2 tablespoons flour
1 cup milk
2 sticks unsalted butter
1 cup confectioners' sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 bottle (1oz.) black food coloring

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cupcake tin with paper liners.
In a medium bowl, cream together the sugar and butter.
Beat in the eggs, one at a time
Add vanilla.
In another bowl, combine flour and baking powder
Add to the creamed mixture, and mix well.
Add milk and mix until batter is smooth.
Pour or spoon batter into the cupcake papers, filling about 2/3 full.
Bake 20 to 25 minutes. Cupcakes are done when a toothpick inserted into the center of one comes out clean. Set cupcakes on a rack to cool.
To make the frosting: Over medium heat, cook the flour and milk whisking constantly until thickened. The mixture should be a lot like glue. Let cool.
In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream together the butter, sugar and vanilla until light and fluffy.
Beat in the flour mixture.
Stir in black food coloring.
Frost completely cooled cupcakes. I topped mine with edible silver dragees.
Change into chaps, get on your hog, and enjoy these cupcakes. "DO IT!!!"

Holy Cupcake

2009-01-05T07:06:00.002-06:00

In 1993, Sleep released an album named Holy Mountain. It is widely accepted as the most influential stoner metal album of all time, and I couldn't agree more.
It pays homage to the Alejandro Jodorowsky film of the same name, which was released 20 years earlier. Have you ever seen this movie? It's amazing. The first time I saw it was at the Music Box midnight show with my dear friend Gabriel.
I highly (no pun intended) recommend you enjoy this film under the influence.

This synopsis from IMDB.com will help to explain why:

A Christlike figure wanders through bizarre, grotesque scenarios filled with religious and sacrilegious imagery. He meets a mystical guide who introduces him to seven wealthy and powerful individuals, each representing a planet in the solar system. These seven, along with the protagonist, the guide and the guide's assistant, divest themselves of their worldly goods and form a group of nine who will seek out the Holy Mountain, in order to displace the gods who live there and become immortal.
Written by Marty Cassady

Al Cisneros, Matt Pike and Chris Hakius make up the holy trilogy that is Sleep.
They're playing All Tomorrow's Parties May 9th & 10th in England. Too bad I'm poor and won't be able to make it across the pond...*sigh*
All I can do is post a tres-leche cupcake recipe in their honor.
What's holier than a trilogy of milk? I'd eat these cupcakes on a mountain!

Sleep: Holy Cupcake

Metal Constituents:

6 large eggs, separated
1 cup sugar
1 cup all-purpose flour, sifted
1 can (14 ounces) sweetened condensed milk
1 can(12 ounces) evaporated milk
1 cup whole milk

For the Frosting:

1 1/2 cups heavy cream
1 tablespoon confectioners' sugar

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Line a cupcake pan with papers, and set aside.
In a mixing bowl, beat egg yolks and sugar on high speed until light and fluffy.
In another bowl, beat egg whites to soft peaks.
Using a rubber spatula, fold whites into yolk mixture until almost combined, then gently fold in flour (do not overmix).
Pour batter into cupcake papers, and bake until golden, about 20 to 25 minutes.
Cool cakes for 10 minutes on a wire rack.
Take a chop stick and punch several holes (4-5) in each cupcake (brutal).
In a medium bowl, whisk together the three milks; pour evenly over each cupcake. I ended up using about 6 tablespoons per cupcake.
Cover with plastic wrap; refrigerate at least 1 hour to allow the cakes to absorb the milk trilogy.
To make the frosting: In a mixing bowl, whip heavy cream with sugar until soft peaks form. If you're pressed for time, whip cream in a can works just as well.
Place a dollop of the whipped cream on each cupcake, just before you're about to serve them.
Look unto the rays of the new stoner sun rising.

Here is some sweet footage of Sleep playing "Dragonaut." Enjoy!

And here's a clip from the film Holy Mountain.
Tu Veux de L'or (you want gold)?

Twist of Candy Cane Cakes

2008-12-15T07:06:00.002-06:00

A friend of a friend once met Glenn Danzig. He told her she had "Nice Tits."
She was 13 at the time.
Oh Danzig... You crazy little beefcake!
Glenn Danzig was the founding member and vocalist for The Misfits and Samhain, before forming Danzig in 1987. He's got a voice that could knock you down a flight of stairs. I prefer to think of him as the Elvis of Metal.
I recently saw Danzig play here in Chicago when Skeletonwitch opened for him. His latest tour was to commemorate the 20 year anniversary of the release of Danzig I. He put on a really good show, even though John Christ, Eerie Von and Chuck Biscuits are no longer in his band. He now plays with Johnny Kelly (Type O Negative) and Tommy Victor (Ministry).

In 2003 Danzig guest starred on an Aqua Teen Hunger Force holiday episode entitled The Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future. He played himself, a prospective buyer of Carl's cursed house. The pool filled with elfin blood was it's major selling point:

To honor Danzig, the holiday season, and the anniversary of Danzig I, I present to you:

Danzig: Twist of Candy Cane Cakes

Metal Constituents:

2 cups boiling water
1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup butter, softened
2 1/4 cups white sugar
4 eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup crushed candy canes

For the Frosting

1 stick butter (room temperature)
4 cups confectioner's sugar
4 tablespoons milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 pinch salt
more candy cane pieces for sprinkling on top

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups, and set aside.
In a medium bowl, pour boiling water over cocoa, and whisk until smooth. Let mixture cool.
Wisk together flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt; set aside.
In a large bowl, cream butter and sugar together until light and fluffy.
Beat in eggs one at time, then stir in vanilla.
Add the flour mixture alternately with the cocoa mixture.
Stir in Candy Cane pieces.
Fill baking cups about 2/3 full.
Bake in preheated oven for 25 to 30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean.
Allow to cool for 10 minutes in the pan before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
To make the Frosting: In a small bowl, beat together butter, sugar, milk, vanilla, and salt until light and fluffy.
Frost completely cooled cupcakes, and sprinkle with more Candy Cane pieces, if you so desire.
Enjoy a little twist of cane from the God below.

Happy Holidays from Metalcakes!!

The Fire in Our Throats Will Beckon The Cupcakes

2008-12-01T07:06:00.003-06:00

Yay for Pelican!
I'm happy to say that I witnessed their first show years ago at The Underground Lounge here in Chicago. The sound guy was a total fucking dick. Seriously, I still don't know what the fuck his problem was. But anywhooo... The show was awesome, and I've loved them ever since.

I used to work at Whole Foods with the drummer Larry Herweg. One time our friend Sean was driving the Amigo down one of the aisles with Larry in the basket. The whole time Sean was singing "I've got, 2 tickets to Larr-i-dise!" *sigh* Good Times.

To honor the friend I miss, and his brilliant band mates, I present to you:

Pelican: The Fire in our Throats Will Beckon the Cupcakes

Metal Constituents:

1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
4 cups cake flour
4 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons cinnamon
2 teaspoons ground allspice
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ground mace
pinch of ground cloves
1 1/2 cups dark-brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 1/2 cups milk

For the orange glaze:

1/3 cup freshly squeezed orange juice
2 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon unsalted butter

For the Frosting:

2 packages cream cheese (8oz), room temperature
4 Tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature
4 Tablespoons light brown sugar
3 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 teaspoon almond extract
2 tablespoons honey

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cupcake pan with baking cups, and set aside.
In a medium bowl, sift together flour, baking powder, cinnamon, allspice, salt, nutmeg, mace, and cloves.
In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream butter and sugar together.
Add eggs one at a time, beating to combine after each addition.
Alternate adding the flour mixture and milk to the butter mixture, starting and ending with the flour mixture.
Pour the batter into prepared cupcake tin. Bake for 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of one cupcake comes out clean.
While the cupcakes are cooling, make the orange glaze: Combine all ingredients in a small saucepan over medium-low heat until melted.
Using a toothpick, poke holes all over the top of each cupcake. Brush cakes with orange glaze while they're still warm; let cakes cool completely on a wire rack.
To Make the Frosting: Melt butter and allow to cool.
In a large bowl, combine cream cheese, butter, brown sugar, vanilla and almond extract. Beat with an electric mixer.
When mixture starts to stiffen, stop mixer and add honey.
Continue to beat until light and fluffy. Do not over mix, or it will collapse.
Spread onto cooled cupcakes.

"What the fuck do you mean there aren't any cupcakes left? Brutal."

Watch these Rock Stars in action:

Their next video should be them eating these cupcakes during the apocalypse with lots of explosions and stuff in the background. Metal.

22 Minutes to Cupcakes

2008-11-10T07:06:00.000-06:00

When I was a young and impressionable little lady (about 4 or 5 years old), I spent a lot of time hanging out with my cousins Brian and Chris Norred.
They had a friend from the neighborhood named Steve. Steve's room was absolutely plastered from ceiling to floor with every Iron Maiden poster in existence.
I spent many hours staring at these masterpieces. My particular favorite was Seventh Son of a Seventh Son. This sparked my ever enduring love for Maiden.
I am now the proud owner of a Troopers Pillowcase, and Killers Vans (that my cat Zombie is a fan of too).

I'm sure he was having metal-rific dreams when this picture was taken...

Last I heard, Steve became a cop.

To honor the always-awesome Iron Maiden, I present to you:

Iron Maiden: 22 Minutes to Cupcakes

Metal Constituents:

1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 1/2 cups flour
1 1/4 cups milk
1 cup English Toffee (or Heath Bar) pieces

For the Frosting:

1 stick of butter, at room temperature
½ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
3 cups confectioners’ sugar, sifted
3 to 5 tablespoons milk
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven on to 375 degrees F. Prepare a cupcake tin with papers, and set aside.
Put butter in mixer and beat at medium speed until somewhat smooth.
Pour in sugar and beat well.
Add 2 eggs, mix well.
Add: vanilla, baking powder, salt, flour, and milk, beat until combined.
Stir in Heath Bar pieces.
Pour into baking cups, until they are about 2/3 full.
Bake for 22 minutes (...to kill the unborn in the wooooommmmbb!!!!!!) or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a cupcake comes out clean.
Allow to cool in the pan for 5 minutes before removing them to cool completely.
To make the Frosting: Place the butter and cocoa powder in a large mixing bowl. Blend with an electric mixer on low speed until the mixture is soft and well combined, about 30 seconds.
Stop the machine and add the confectioners’ sugar, 3 tablespoons of the milk, and the vanilla. Blend with the mixer on low speed until the sugar is incorporated, 1 minute. Increase the speed to medium and beat until light and fluffy, 1 minute more.
Add 1 to 2 Tablespoons more milk if the frosting is too stiff.
Pipe on completely cooled cupcakes, and sprinkle with extra toffee pieces if you so desire.
For the love of living death, bake them already!!

Seabeast Cakes

2008-10-20T07:06:00.001-05:00

A few years ago, I was lucky enough to see Mastodon open for Slayer. They were incredible.
Any band that releases an album with a permeating Moby Dick theme, is alright by me.
This recipe was inspired by the 3rd track on Leviathan entitled "Seabeast."
To make these cupcakes true "beasts," I suggest you use baking cups made by Reynolds. The foil cups allow you to make cupcakes standing alone on a cookie sheet, without using a cupcake tin. They also allow you to add much more batter to each, creating a beast of a dessert.
Brutal.

Mastodon: Seabeast Cakes

Metal Constituents:

1 1/4 cups (2 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
4 1/2 cups sifted cake flour
2 tablespoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups milk
1 1/2 tablespoons pure vanilla extract
2 1/4 cups sugar
7 large egg whites

For the Frosting:

1 cup milk
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup shortening
1/2 cup butter
1 cup white sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Arrange baking cups on a cookie sheet, set aside.
Wisk together flour, baking powder, and salt in a medium bowl, and set aside.
Combine milk and vanilla in another bowl, and set aside.
Beat butter in the bowl of an electric mixer until pale and creamy. Add sugar in a steady stream, and continue beating until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Reduce speed to low.
Add dry ingredients in three batches, alternating with the milk mixture - starting and ending with the dry ingredients. Be careful to avoid overbeating.
In a clean bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the whisk attachment, beat egg whites until stiff peaks form. Fold a third of the whites into batter until combined. Fold in remaining whites in two batches.
Pour batter into baking cups. Bake until a tester inserted near the center comes out clean and the cake springs back when pressed lightly in the center, 25 to 30 minutes.
Let cool on the cookie sheet for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.
To make the frosting: In a small saucepan, combine the milk and flour. Wisk over medium high heat until boiling. Remove from heat and set aside to cool.
When the milk mixture is cool, add the butter, shortening, sugar and vanilla. Beat with an electric mixer for 10 to 12 minutes, scraping the bottom of the bowl occasionally.
Frost completely cooled cupcakes.
Don't let these beasts pull you towards the east.

Cupcakes Bloody Cupcakes

2008-09-22T07:06:00.002-05:00

Where would we be without Black Sabbath? The world would be filled with nothing but crappy, bland, meaningless, pop tunes that we could all listen to with our parents whilst sipping skim milk as we neglect to expand our minds.

I shudder at the thought.
We all owe an immeasurable debt to Tony Iommi, Geezer Butler, Bill Ward, and Ozzy Osbourne.
While writing Sabbath Bloody Sabbath, the band rented Clearwell Castle. They used the dungeons as a rehearsal space. Totally fucking metal. If I could have rented a castle and baked these cupcakes in a dungeon, you know I would have.

In an attempt to express my gratitude and endless admiration for the mighty Sabbath, I give you:

Black Sabbath: Cupcakes Bloody Cupcakes

Metal Constituents:

1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
2 cups sugar
4 large eggs
2-3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/8 teaspoon salt
1 cup milk
2 teaspoons vanilla
Strawberry Jam (seedless)

For the Frosting:

1 cup white chocolate chips
1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 cups powdered sugar
Hershey’s Strawberry Syrup

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cupcake tin with papers, and set aside.
Beat butter on high until soft, about 30 seconds.
Add sugar. Beat on medium-high until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes.
Add eggs one at a time, beat for 30 seconds after each addition.
Whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt in a bowl. Add to mixer bowl.
Add the milk and vanilla, mix to combine.
Scoop batter into cupcake papers filling about two-thirds full.
Bake for 22-25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.
Let cupcakes cool in the pan for 5 minutes, then transfer them to a wire rack to cool completely.
Once cupcakes have cooled, use the cone method to create a well in each.
Spoon or pipe strawberry jam into each cupcake, and replace top.
To make the frosting: Melt the white chocolate in a microwave using a microwave safe bowl. Do this in 30 second intervals, stirring each time to ensure the chocolate doesn't burn. Set aside.
Using an electric mixer, beat the butter at medium speed until creamy.
Add the cream cheese and beat until combined.
Beat in the melted white chocolate.
Add the vanilla and 2 cups of powdered sugar and beat at low speed, scraping the sides and bottom of the bowl, until light and fluffy. Add more powdered sugar to arrive at the consistency and sweetness you like. 2 cups worked for me.
Frost completely cooled, jam filled cupcakes.
Drizzle blood sauce over all cupcakes.
Bog blast all of you.

Grounds for Dessert

2008-09-08T07:06:00.002-05:00

Oh Big Business, I love you dearly.
You rock so hard, and you always project an image of success.

Originally from Seattle, Big Business is comprised of Jared Warren from one of my all time favorite bands Karp, and Coady Willis formerly of The Murder City Devils.
How could they not be totally fucking awesome?

Plus they're like total BFF with the Melvins (they played with them on their new album "Nude With Boots"). That's a metal-rific relationship, if I ever saw one.

To honor this super-fantastic, always brutal band, I give you:

Big Business: Grounds for Dessert Cupcakes

Metal Constituents:

3/4 cup (1-1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
1-1/2 cups sugar
3 large eggs, room temperature
2 cups + 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/8 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon dark roast coffee grounds
1/2 cup strong brewed, dark roast coffee
1/4 cup + 2 tablespoons milk

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Beat butter on high until soft, about 30 seconds.
Add sugar. Beat on medium-high until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes.
Add eggs one at a time, beating until incorporated.
Whisk together flour, baking powder, salt, and coffee grounds in a bowl.
Measure out coffee and milk together.
Add about a fourth of the flour to the butter/sugar mixture and beat to combine.
Add about one third the coffee/milk mixture and beat until combined.**Tip: Be careful when adding the coffee/milk mixture to the batter. If you add it too quickly the mixture will look curdled. Add small amounts and beat well to incorporate**
Repeat above, alternating flour and coffee and ending with the flour mixture.
Scoop into cupcake papers about two-thirds to three-quarters full, these cupcakes tend to shrink a bit when they cool.
Bake for 22-25 minutes or until a cake tester comes out clean.
Cool in the pan for 5 minutes, and then transfer to a wire rack.
In lieu of frosting, I recommend using whip cream from a can. Brutally Delicious!

While your cakes are cooling, enjoy some footage of Big Business playing "Grounds for Divorce" at The Empty Bottle, here in Chicago:

Scumcakes of the Universe

2008-09-02T07:06:00.002-05:00

GWAR.
I simply can't type enough about their brutality.
They are SEX-ellent to say the least.

Have you ever wondered where they came from?
The following should answer as many questions as it raises:

THE EPIC TALE OF GWAR
Eons ago, there existed an elite group of chaos warriors who ravaged the galaxy with a boundless hatred of all things alive. They were called the Scumdogs of the Universe, and they grew in might and fury, the greatest weapon in the arsenal of their cosmic Master.

But they became too powerful, and too defiant. As punishment for their cosmic crimes, they were banished to the most insignificant planet in the universe...the seething mudball known as Earth.

Millions of years passed, and they slumbered, until the pollution of your world de-thawed these creatures from their ageless coma...and now they stride the Earth, living gods, dedicated to one goal, the destruction of the human race, and the eradication of existence itself! Wait- that’s two goals!

Hark to the hideous majesty of your MASTERS, rulers of Earth, the MIGHTY GWAR!!!

Consider these cupcakes a tribute to these metal Gods:

GWAR: Scumcakes of the Universe

Metal Constituents:

3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 cup sugar
3 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup sour cream
1 cup Green M&Ms

For the Chocolate Frosting:

1/2 cup butter
1/4 cup shortening
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 cups confectioners' sugar
2 tablespoons milk
1 cup hot fudge topping
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line 12-cup standard muffin tin with paper liners.
Into a medium bowl, sift together cocoa, flour, baking powder, and salt; set aside.
In a mixing bowl, cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy.
Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each, then beat in vanilla.
With mixer on low speed, add flour mixture in two batches, alternating with sour cream and beginning and ending with flour.
Stir in green M&Ms
Pour batter into cups, filling each 3/4 full. Bake until a toothpick inserted in centers comes out clean, 20 to 25 minutes.
Cool in pan 5 minutes; transfer to a wire rack to cool completely
To make the frosting: In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat the butter and shortening together.
Sift the cocoa with the confectioners' sugar and add to the creamed mixture.
Add the milk.
Add the hot fudge topping and the vanilla extract. Blend until smooth and creamy.
Pipe frosting onto completely cooled cakes. I also sprayed mine with Betty Crocker green aerosol food coloring to accentuate the scum factor.
Enjoy your Scumcake, human filth.

Hell on Earth

2008-07-28T07:06:00.000-05:00

Sorry...
It's just been too hot to bake lately.
Stay tuned for Gwar: Scumcakes of the Universe, they're up next.
K*

Sugar Water Cakes

2008-07-07T07:06:00.015-05:00

The first time I saw Black Cobra was in February at the Empty Bottle. I can barely describe their awesomeness. Not only are Jason Landrian & Rafa Martinez amazing musicians that fucking kill it, they're also super gracious and polite. This kid I was going out with at the time, couldn't stop telling them how great they are and how their music is as heavy as Bullhead. They were very, very nice and even participated in a group hug with him.
Shut up! Group hugs are fucking metal!

Plus their t-shirts have Medusa riding two Great White Sharks. BRUTAL!

To further express my love for Black Cobra, I present to you a cupcake recipe inspired by their song Sugar Water. It features my favorite sugar water - Horchata!

Black Cobra: Sugar Water Cakes

Makes 24

Metal Constituents:

1 stick butter
1-1/2 cups sugar
2 cups all purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 cup Horchata*
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
4 large egg whites

For the Frosting:

1 package (8 ounces) reduced fat cream cheese, at room temperature
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) butter, at room temperature
3 cups confectioners' sugar, sifted
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

*If you're lucky enough to have a Mexican restaurant in your vicinity, I recommend buying a large Horchata with no ice (so that it's not watered down in the batter), and then just drinking whatever you don't use.

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cupcake tin with papers.
Soften butter in the bowl of an electric mixer on high speed.
Drizzle the sugar in with the butter and beat until light and fluffy, about 2-3 minutes.
Sift flour, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon together.
Mix the Horchata and vanilla together.
Add the flour mixture to the butter & sugar in 3 parts alternating with Horchata. Beat well after each addition, and set mixture aside.
In a clean mixing bowl, beat egg whites until soft peaks form - if you've never done this before, it takes a while. Feel free to use an electric mixer, and maybe walk away for a bit to turn up your stereo. I'm sure it's playing Black Cobra, just like mine.
Gently fold egg whites into cake batter.
Scoop batter into the prepared cupcake papers filling about 2/3 full
Bake for approximately 20 minutes or until a cake tester comes out clean.
To Make the Frosting: Place the cream cheese and butter in a large mixing bowl.
Blend with an electric mixer on low speed until combined, 30 seconds.
Add the confectioners' sugar, a little at a time, blending with the mixer on low speed until the sugar is well incorporated, about 1 minute.
Add the cinnamon, then increase the mixer speed to medium and blend the frosting until fluffy, about 1 minute more.
Frost completely cooled cupcakes, and sprinkle with more cinnamon, if you so desire

Here is the video for "Sugar Water." Enjoy!

Master of Pupcakes

2008-06-23T07:06:00.002-05:00

Oh Metallica... You used to be so great! I loved you so much. What the hell happened? Have you ever heard of going out on a high note? Seriously, I thought that Napster thing was bad (Lars, you're a dick) but then I made the mistake of watching Some Kind of Monster. *sigh* The only thing less metal than whining about your feelings all the time, is making a movie showing how you whine about your feelings all the time. Sitting through that was brutal, and not in the good way.

So let's all just pretend that they retired gracefully after ...And Justice For All.

This is a special recipe for dogs.
You as a human can eat these if you want, I guess...
I made these for my favorite Pup, Oswald Holbranoff.
Here's a picture of Ozzy graduating from Puppy Preschool at the Anti-Cruelty Society:

And here's a picture of Ozzy enjoying a Master of Pupcake:

Looks good, doesn't it? That's me on the right.

Here's the recipe:

(Early) Metallica: Master of Pupcakes

Metal Constituents

1 large apple
1 1/2 cups wheat flour
1/4 cup oatmeal
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 cup plain yogurt
1/2 cup water
1/4 cup vegetable oil
2 tablespoons honey
2 eggs
1 cup grated cheddar cheese

For the Frosting

8 oz Neufchatel Cheese (lowfat cream cheese), room temperature
2 tablespoons plain yogurt
2 tablespoons honey

Merciless Instructions

Preheat oven to 400 degrees, grease cupcake tins. **Do NOT use cupcake papers!! Dogs aren't supposed to eat those!!!!**
Core, slice and mince the apple (use a food processor if you have one). Set aside.
In a large bowl, mix together flour, oatmeal, baking powder, and baking soda.
In a medium bowl, blend together the yogurt, water, oil, honey, and eggs.
Stir in the apple bits and cheese.
Add to the flour mixture and stir until well combined.
Spoon batter into the muffin tins, filling each cup about 3/4 full.
Bake for about 20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center of a Pupcake comes out clean.
Let rest in the cupcake tins for about 5 minutes, then remove and set aside to cool.
For the frosting, mix the Neufchatel cheese, honey, and yogurt until smooth. Feel free to add wheat flour to thicken the frosting to a good spreading consistency.
Frost completely cooled Pupcakes.
Decorate with little pieces of dog food or mini bones. I used Snausages.
Obey your Master.

Here is some footage of Metallica playing "Master of Puppets." Enjoy!

Fireface Cakes

2008-06-18T07:06:00.006-05:00

When I was in film school, I used a High on Fire song for a project in my Editing the Commercial Class. In my completely unbiased opinion, my final project fucking ruled.

Thank-you Matt Pike!
Mr.Pike also used to be in the amazing band Sleep.
Stay tuned for cupcakes inspired by that band too.

Feel free to replace the butter in this recipe with butter that has that type of oregano that smells like Otto's jacket, added to it.

High on Fire: Fireface Cakes

Metal Constituents:

3 & 3/4 cups cake flour
1/4 cup cocoa
1 & 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 & 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
3/8 teaspoon salt
1 & 1/2 cups buttermilk
3 teaspoons vinegar
1 &1/2 teaspoons vanilla
1 bottle (1oz) red food coloring
2 & 1/4 cups sugar
1 & 1/2 sticks butter
3 eggs
1 cup Red Hots

For the Frosting:

8 ounces cream cheese, room temperature
3/4 cup confectioner's sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
yellow food coloring
red food coloring

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups and set aside.
Whisk together flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, baking powder, and salt in a medium bowl.
Whisk together buttermilk, vinegar, vanilla and food coloring in another medium bowl.
Beat sugar and butter in large bowl until fluffy, about 3 minutes.
Add eggs one at a time beating well after each addition
Add dry ingredients in 4 additions, alternating with buttermilk mixture in 3 additions.
Fold in Red Hots.
Scoop batter into baking cups, filling about 2/3 full.
Bake for 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of one cupcake comes out clean.
Allow cupcakes to cool in the pan for 10 minutes, before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
To make the frosting: Combine cream cheese, confectioner's sugar, and vanilla extract in the bowl of an electric mixer. Whisk until smooth.
Divide frosting into 2 parts. Add yellow food coloring to 1 part, and orange (or red & yellow) food coloring to the other.
Load both colors into 2 different pastry bags, or on either side of a frosting gun barrel.
Frost cupcakes to look like flames.
Return to the clan with these and the scalps of the men who betrayed.

Here is some footage of High on Fire playing "Fireface."
Nice 'stache.

Beyond the Permafrosting

2008-06-09T07:06:00.009-05:00

Originally from Athens Ohio, Skeletonwitch embodies everything I love about metal: Dark lyrics, fast guitars, and aesthetically pleasing album artwork.
I missed them the last time they played in Chicago, despite the helpful efforts of the left-handed guitarist's sister Stacy. They're playing here again soon, so I've cleared my calendar. I hope they like cupcakes, 'cause I plan on baking them a batch of these!

10/25/2008
Nate, Chance,and Scott from Skeletonwitch enjoying Beyond the Permafrosting cupcakes with me and this kid I was going out with at the time:

For these cakes, I recommend a recipe originally posted by the brilliant cupcake queen Natalie over at Bake and Destroy. When she refers to them as "The Best Chocolate Cupcakes," she's not exaggerating.

Skeletonwitch: Beyond the Permafrosting Cupcakes

Makes 16

Metal Constituents:

1 & 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup unsweetened Dutch-process cocoa powder, sifted
3/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 cup granulated sugar
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
3/4 cup buttermilk
1 cup chocolate chips

For the Permafrosting:

2 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened
4 Tbsp. milk
1 Package Berry Blue Kool-Aid (unsweetened)

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line a cupcake pan with paper liners.
Mix together flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt in a small bowl.
In a large bowl, whisk together sugar, oil, egg, and vanilla until smooth.
Alternately whisk in flour mixture and buttermilk until smooth.
Stir in chocolate chips.
Scoop batter into cupcake papers and bake 22-27 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center of one of the cakes, comes out clean.
Allow to cool in the pan for 10 minutes, before removing to a rack to cool completely.
To make the Permafrosting: Beat sugar, butter, milk and Kool-Aid in a large bowl on low speed until well blended and smooth.
Frost completely cooled cupcakes
Enjoy this subzero torture under the black winter sky.

Here's some footage of Skeletonwitch playing "Beyond the Permafrost."
Enjoy!

Reign in Blood Cakes

2008-05-23T07:06:00.009-05:00

Can you think of a better way to kick off this Metalcakes blog then by honoring the greatest metal band of all time?
I can't.

Therefore I give you...

Slayer: Reign in Blood Cakes

Metal Constituents:

3 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups white sugar
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons baking soda
2/3 cup vegetable oil
2 cups water
2 tablespoons vinegar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

For the filling:

1 package cream cheese (8oz.), room temperature
1 egg
1/2 cup white sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
red food coloring

For the frosting:

2 1/2 sticks butter, room temperature
2 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1/8 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 Tablespoons heavy cream

Merciless Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Line 24 muffin cups with paper liners.
In a large bowl, mix together flour, sugar, cocoa, salt and baking soda.
Stir in oil, water, vinegar and vanilla until blended.
Pour mixture into prepared muffin cups, filling each 2/3 full.
To make the filling: In a medium bowl, beat together the cream cheese, egg, sugar and salt until light and fluffy.
Drip several drops of red food coloring until desired, brutal, blood-red shade is achieved.
Drop a heaping teaspoonful of the cream cheese mixture on top of each batter-filled baking cup.
Bake for 25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of one cupcake comes out clean.
Allow to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
Visit Slayer.net while allowing cakes to cool.
To make the frosting: In the bowl of an electric mixer, whisk butter until smooth.
Add powdered sugar and salt.
Continue to whisk for about another minute.
Add vanilla and heavy cream, whisk until well combined.
Increase mixer speed and beat until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes.
Frost completely cooled cupcakes.
Enjoy while trapped in purgatory.

Here is some footage of Slayer playing "Reign in Blood."
Enjoy!

Obey.

2008-05-23T07:06:00.000-05:00

Welcome to my blog.
I love cupcakes. I love Metal.
Stay tuned for recipes inspired by my favorite metal songs and/or bands.