Septicakes

I am so happy Lord Mantis are from Chicago! They fill my cold, black heart with hometown pride.

As the dead-on album artwork by Justin Bartlett indicates, they're pretty dark and creepy, with dirty lyrics about hatred, fucking, and nautical apocalypses. Who could ask for anything more?

Most of their members were/are also in other really great Chicago metal bands. Charlie and Andrew were both in Nachtmystium, and Bill is in Indian. Andrew also has a solo project called Avichi.

Ken Sorceron from Abigail Williams has joined the band, and he plays on their new record, which should be released in Spring 2014.

Don't miss an opportunity to see these dudes play live. Their shows prove their reputation for emanating rotted loathing and hatred, is well deserved, as they absorb you into a wall of sound.

Their first record Spawning the Nephilim, is also really great. It isn't as plush as Pervertor, but it's a solid death metal record, that's for sure.

This recipe was inspired by the song "Septichrist." "Septi" means seven, so these cakes are packed with seven different types of chocolate.

Just like Lord Mantis, they are not for the faint of heart.

And for you nerds that want to make sure I didn't cheat, here are the 7 different chocolates I used: 1. Cocoa Powder, 2. Devil's Food pudding mix, 3. Chocolate ganache, 4. Dark chocolate frosting, 5. Chocolate malt balls, 6. Mini chocolate chips, and 7. Chocolate syrup.

Lord Mantis: Septicakes

Makes 30

Metal Constituents:

• 2¼ cups all-purpose flour 
• ¾ cup unsweetened dutch-process cocoa powder
• 1 box (3.8oz) instant Devil's Food pudding mix
• ½ cup sugar 
•  ¾ cup packed brown sugar
• 1½ teaspoons baking soda
• ½ teaspoon salt
• 1 cup milk
• 1½ cups malted milk powder
• 1 cup vegetable oil
• 3 large eggs
• 1 cup sour cream, room temperature
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

For the Ganache:  

• 1 cup heavy cream
• 1 cup dark chocolate chips  
•  2 tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature

For the Frosting:  

• 3 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
• 7 cups powdered sugar 
• 2 cups Black Cocoa powder  
• 1 cup milk  
• 4 teaspoons vanilla extract 
• crushed malted milk balls  
• mini chocolate chips  
• chocolatesyrup

 
Merciless Instructions:

 

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups, and set aside.
2. In the bowl of an electric mixer, whisk together flour, cocoa powder, pudding mix, both sugars, baking soda, and salt.
3. In a 2 cup or larger measuring cup, whisk together milk and malted milk powder until powder is dissolved.
4. Add milk mixture and oil to the flour mixture, beat until combined 
5. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each one.  
6.  Add sour cream and vanilla, and beat just until combined. 
7. Fill baking cups about 2/3 full. 
8. Bake for 18-20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into a cake, comes out clean.
9. Allow to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
10. To make the ganache: Place chocolate chips in a heat proof bowl. 
11. Bring cream to a boil in a small saucepan over medium-high heat.  
12. Pour cream over the chocolate chips, and let stand for 2 minutes. 
13. Add butter, then whisk mixture until smooth. 
14. Allow mixture to cool, stirring every few minutes.  
15.  To make the frosting: In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat butter until smooth.
16. Add powdered sugar and cocoa powder and continue to beat.  
17.  Add milk and vanilla and beat at medium speed until frosting is fluffy and lighter in color.
18. To assemble your Septicakes: Cut a small cone-shaped hole out of the center of each cupcake. 
19. Using a pastry bag, frosting gun or small spoon, fill each hole with ganache. 
20. Frost cupcakes. 
21. Sprinkle crushed malted milk balls and mini chocolate chips on each frosted cupcake. 
22.  Drizzle with chocolate syrup. 
23. Fall into the chocolate womb.

 Here's some live footage of Lord Mantis playing "Ritual Killer." Enjoy!

Sour-Patch-Vein: Salivation Cakes

Sourvein are not from Screamville, New Horrorfield, or Terror Lake. They're from Cape Fear, North Carolina, and they are 100% heavy and dirty.
Those fucking riffs! Whenever I hear one of their songs, I have to stop whatever it is I'm doing, and blissfully surrender to the crushing weight of their dirty sludge.
Frontman Troy "T-Roy" Medlin is the founding, and only remaining, original member (the mighty Liz Buckingham played on their first 2 records). He is a tireless road warrior to say the least. Sourvein does about 200 shows a year, every year. I've seen them a bunch of times, and they're even better live.

My favorite record is still their first full-length, Salvation. They also have a really great EP trilogy that came out a few years ago. I highly recommend you check out Emerald Vulture, Ghetto Angel, & Imperial Bastard. Collect all 3!

Fun Fact: T-Roy and Dixie Dave are cousins. That's one sludgy gene pool!


Sour-Patch-Vein: Salivation Cakes

Makes 36

Metal Constituents:

• 2 1/4 cups cake flour
• 1 Tablespoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/2 cups + 3 Tablespoons sugar
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 6 large eggs, separated
• Juice (including the pulp) of 2 oranges 
• Juice of 1 lemon (both juices should add up to 3/4 cup)
• zest of 2 oranges and 1 lemon (roughly, 2 Tablespoons.)

*Tip: Zest first, juice second

For the frosting:

• 2 sticks butter, room temperature  
• 3 Tablespoons orange zest  
• 1 Tablespoon lemon zest  
• 3 1/2 cups powdered sugar  
• 1 Tablespoon fresh lemon juice  
• 1 Tablespoon freshly squeezed orange juice

For the topping:

• 1/8 cup Citric Acid 
• 1/4 cup sugar 
• Orange and Lemon Sour Patch Kids

 
Merciless Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 325^oF. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups, and set aside.
2. In the bowl of an electric mixer, with the whisk attached, whisk together flour, baking powder, salt, and 1 1/2 cups of sugar.
3. Add the oil, egg yolks and combined juices of the lemon and oranges. Continue to whisk.
4. Add the lemon and orange zests, whisk until blended.
5. In a separate bowl, beat the egg whites until soft peaks form. 
6. While continuing to beat, add remaining 3 Tablespoons of sugar, one Tablespoon at a time, until stiff peaks form.
   
7. Fold egg whites into the batter, in two batches.
8. Fill baking cups about 2/3 full.
9. Bake for 20-22 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into one of the cakes, comes out clean.
10. Allow the cakes to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
11. To make the frosting:  Beat butter, orange zest, and lemon zest in the bowl of an electric mixer until smooth and creamy.
12. Gradually add powdered sugar, alternating with lemon juice and orange juice, beating at low speed.
13. Beat at high speed for about 3 minutes, or until your frosting is light and fluffy.
14. Frost completely cooled cakes. 
15. Whisk citric acid and sugar together.
16. Sprinkle all over each frosted cake.
17. Top with one orange, and one yellow Sour Patch Kid.

Here's some live footage of Sourvein playing "Dirty South." It's one of my favorite songs by them- Enjoy!!




And here's "Salvation" to listen to while you're baking:

RIP Mike Boone

I wrote this post, and had it ready to go long before I heard about bassist, Mike Boone, passing away in his sleep, the morning of October 6th.

A fund has been set up to benefit his wife and daughter.

Please donate if you can: http://www.youcaring.com/memorial-fundraiser/fundraiser-for-the-family-of-mike-boone/95304

Lust, Filth, and Goat Cheese (Frosting)

Even though my Dad lived (and drove a cab) in Cleveland many years ago, he doesn't seem to have any love for Cleveland's blackened Speed Metal heroes, Midnight. I however, adore them!
They're pretty Venom-y, with an element of fun-time filthiness that rivals The Mentors. Also, like The Mentors, they're known for their black-hooded anonymity.

Athenar plays everything on the records, but live he plays bass while accompanied by Lord Zigar on drums, and Commander Vanik on guitar. He also likes to respond to e-mail interviews by typing in all caps. I always picture him yelling his responses at the top of his lungs while standing on the summit of a rocky cliff, that's surrounded by a lake of fire below. "I DON'T LIKE MATH."

Midnight has released a ton of EPs and splits, but Satanic Royalty is their only full-length record to date. It was released in 2011, and I was an instant fan of this record, the moment I heard it. It's just the way I like most things in my life- fast and dirty!

This recipe was inspired by a love song off Satanic Royalty, entitled "Lust, Filth, and Sleaze." It features a Blue Velvet cake to match the album artwork by William Lacey, and goat cheese frosting. That sounds weird, but goat cheese is actually not that different from cream cheese, and I use that in frosting all the time. Plus goats are pretty satanic, right down to their milk and the cheese produced from it.

Midnight- 
Lust, Filth, and Goat Cheese (frosting)

Makes 24

Metal Constituents

• 2 1/2 cups cake flour
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 large eggs
• 1 1/4 cups vegetable oil
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 teaspoon white vinegar 
• 1 cup buttermilk, room temperature
• 1 tablespoon royal blue gel food coloring
• 1 tiny dab violet gel food coloring

For the frosting:

• 4 oz Goat Cheese, room temperature
• 1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
• 4 cups Powdered Sugar
• 1 tsp. Vanilla Extract
• 2 Tablespoons Heavy Whipping Cream
• Blue powdered food coloring*

*I prefer to use powdered food coloring in frosting, because it doesn't ruin the consistency of the frosting by adding more liquid.

 
Merciless Instructions
 

1. Preheat oven to 350 F. Line a cupcake pan with baking cups, and set aside. 
2. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, sugar, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt.
3. In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat together eggs, and oil.
4. Add vanilla, and vinegar, and beat until well combined and smooth.
5. Add the dry ingredients in 3 parts, alternating with the buttermilk, and beat until smooth, about 1-2 minutes.
6. Add food coloring and mix until well combined and even in color.
7. Fill baking cups about 2/3 full.
8. Bake for 17-19 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a cupcake, comes out clean.
9. Allow the cakes to cool in the pan for 10 minutes, before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
10. To make the frosting: Open the goat cheese, and drain off any extra whey that may be present.
11. In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat the goat cheese and butter until well combined.
12. Add powdered sugar and continue to beat.
13. Add vanilla and cream, and beat until light and fluffy.
14. Add enough powdered blue food coloring to reach desired shade. 
15. Frost completely cooled cakes.
16. You give me lust, filth, and goat cheese (frosting).

Here is some live footage of Midnight playing "Lust, Filth and Sleaze." Enjoy!

We're Not Gonna Bake It

I don't know about you, but I hate summer. I hate being gross and sweaty. I hate tourists invading my commute. I hate eating outside. I hate bug bites, and I hate being pressured to submerge myself into natural bodies of water. Gross. But worst of all, the heat of summer makes my 2 very favorite things practically unbearable: Baking and Rock & Roll shows!
My perfect summer soundtrack is not a brainless, fluffy, upbeat, pop song. I need something far more rebellious and angry to sum up my feelings about this lousy season. Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It," is just that anthem.

Twisted Sister formed in the suburbs of New York, in 1976.  Their look was inspired by the New York Dolls. Their motto was "Look like women, speak like men, and play like motherfuckers." They actively fought against sexism and censorship.
In 1985, lead singer Dee Snider testified alongside Frank Zappa and John Denver at a senate hearing against the PMRC (Parents Music Resource Center).
Founded by Tipper Gore and the "Washington Wives," the PMRC set out to label all records with ratings in regard to lyrical content. Apparently the PMRC thinks that the government should be in charge of telling kids what they can and cannot listen to, instead of parents taking an active role in supervising their children. Their goal was to protect young Americans from sex, masturbation, violence, and religions other than Christianity, by censoring music. What a complete waste of time. There are much bigger problems in this country than kids listening to rock and roll. Not everyone does whatever their favorite rock star tells them to do.
In the end, the "Parental Advisory: Explicit Lyrics" label was born. Record companies voluntarily place these on specific albums of their choice. Of course the sticker seems to actually have the reverse effect, and makes kids want to listen to these records even more.

Here's the footage of the entire hearing (I'd also like to add that I do not agree with Wordswithmeaning's title sequence referring to the PMRC as "Super Bitches," but this was the only footage I could find of the complete hearing):

Nowadays, maybe "We're Not Gonna Take It" has been a bit overused and exploited by politicians and Betty White, but Twisted Sister is still an important band that definitely deserves cake.

There are plenty of ways to rebel against summer's heat, and still make dessert. No-bake recipes are the answer! To me, Twisted Sister's loud and crazy drag outfits just scream "Banana Split!!"...and maybe a little Cheesecake. So these are No-Bake Banana Split Cheesecake cupcakes.

This recipe is super easy. I don't normally "phone it in" with Cool Whip, but it's name and location in the freezer aisle, reinforce what I'm going for with this whole post. 

This recipe goes out to all my angry, sweaty, brothers and sisters that are sick of summer, and overreaching authority. Stay hungry.

Twisted Sister- 
We're Not Gonna Bake It

Makes 24

 Metal Constituents:


For the Crust:

• 2 cups graham cracker crumbs
• 1 stick unsalted butter, melted

For the Cheesecake Layer:

• 12 ounces cream cheese, room temperature
• ¼ cup granulated sugar
• 1 tub (8oz) Cool Whip, thawed

For Toppings:

• 3 to 4 bananas, thinly sliced
• 1 (20oz) can crushed pineapple, drained
• 16 ounces strawberries, hulled and thinly sliced
• 1 tub (8oz) Cool Whip, thawed
• ½ cup walnuts, chopped
• Chocolate syrup
• Maraschino cherries
• Rainbow Sprinkles

Merciless Instructions: 

1. Line 2 cupcake tins with baking cups, and set aside.
2. In a medium bowl, combine the graham cracker crumbs and melted butter, stirring until all of the crumbs are evenly moistened.
3. Place about 2 teaspoons of crumbs into the bottom of each baking cup, and press into an even layer using the back of a small spoon or the bottom of a small glass.
4. Put prepared baking cups into the fridge while you make the next layer.
5. In the bowl of an electric mixer, mix together cream cheese and sugar on medium speed until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes.
6. Using a rubber spatula, fold in the Cool Whip until thoroughly combined.
7. Spread a heaping Tablespoon-full of the cream cheese mixture on top of the graham cracker crust.
8. Arrange 3 banana slices in a single layer on top of the cream cheese filling
9. Top with an even layer of the crushed pineapple, and then about 3 slices of strawberries.
10. Refrigerate for at least 4 hours, or overnight. You have to chill these in the pan, or they won't maintain their shape.
11. Once they're done chilling, use a pastry bag or a frosting gun, and pipe more Cool Whip on top of each cheesecake. 
12. Sprinkle with the chopped walnuts, drizzle with chocolate syrup, then top with maraschino cherries and lots of rainbow sprinkles.
13. We're not gonna bake it. NO! We ain't gonna bake it!!

Here's the classic video for "We're Not Gonna Take It." Enjoy!



I also really like "You Can't Stop Rock And Roll," so here's that video too:

Prepare The Pound Cakes

Yob are the unrivaled kings of Cosmic Doom. Their heavy riffs feel like they're mashing you into the earth, yet their lyrics challenge perceptions of reality, and shift your attention outwards, towards the greater whole of the universe. It's a formula few can pull off with any success.

The title of Yob’s latest record, Atma, is a reference to the Buddhist concept of the higher self, being connected to everything all at once.

I am pretty far from that level of consciousness. I spent my formative years as an angry, working class, punk, focusing most of my energy on stickin' it to "the man." But now that I'm a little bit more grown-up (and just slightly less angry on the inside), I find Yob's music and concept as a band, to be really fascinating. Heavy yet uplifting is a combo I fully back. Seeing beyond what is directly in front of you, is good for your soul.
But to be clear, I'm not a hippie. I shave my pits.

"Yob" is Russian slang for "Fuck," but in New Zealand, it's a term that refers to "a person who engages in antisocial behavior and/or drunkenness." 

I guess both definitions can apply directly to the band. When I hear their crushingly heavy music, I'm often like "FUUUUUUCCCK!!" At the time I'm either being anti-social and listening to my headphones, or sometimes a little tipsy at one of their shows. It all fits, really.

The Unreal Never Lived is another one of my favorite Yob records. It's a little bit more trippy and psychedelic than Atma, and I highly recommend you add it to your record collection.

This recipe is for pound cake cupcakes. As a reference to the colors Stevie Floyd used when she painted the cover for Atma, I've topped them with blueberry orange frosting.

Here's some Yob for your Gob:

Yob: Prepare The Pound Cakes

Makes 18

 Metal Constituents:

• 3 tablespoons whole milk, room temperature
• 3 eggs, room temperature
• 1 3/4 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
• 1 1/2 cups cake flour (not self-rising)
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 3/4 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 14 tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature
• 1/2 Tablespoon Orange Zest

For the frosting:

• 2 sticks butter, room temperature
• 1/2 cup pureed blueberries
• 1 Tablespoon orange zest
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 3 1/2 cups powdered sugar

 Merciless Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups, and set aside.
2. In a large measuring cup with a spout, whisk together milk, eggs, and vanilla. Set aside.
3. Place flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment.
4. Mix on low speed until well blended. 
5. Add butter and half of the milk mixture. Continue mixing until moistened. 
6. Increase mixer speed to medium and beat for 1 minute.
7. Add half of the remaining milk mixture, and beat on medium speed for 30 seconds. 
8. Scrape down sides of bowl and add remaining milk mixture and orange zest. Beat again on medium speed for 30 seconds.
9. Fill baking cups about 2/3 full.
10. Bake for 18-23 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of one cupcake comes out clean.
11. Allow to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely. 
12. To make the frosting: In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat the butter until smooth.
13. Add blueberry puree, vanilla, orange zest and salt. Beat until smooth.
14. Add powdered sugar a 1/2 cup at a time, and continue beating until light and fluffy.
15. Frost completely cooled cakes.
16. Prepare the pound cakes. Ugh!

Here is some live footage of Yob playing "Prepare The Ground" at Subterranean here in Chicago.
Fun facts: I was actually at this show! My friend Jon from The Inarguable shot this footage. Rob from Dark Castle played drums with Yob on this tour, and that's Stevie and Sanford Parker sitting on the stairs back there.
Enjoy!

Bake All Night

If you have yet to hear Denver, Coloradan quartet Speedwolf, I'll fill you in:  They sound like the unruly,  baseborn spawn of Motorhead and Venom. So basically, they're fucking perfect.
What you're really hearing is a bunch of dedicated fans of metal, that simply want to be a part of it all.

Their debut full-length album Ride With Death, features songs about Satan, drugs, and motorcycles. Awesome.

Colorado was mostly settled by prospectors during the Gold Rush, so its history is primarily based in the Wild West. Today, Colorado has one of the largest populations of bikers in the entire country. The horses of the olden days, have become the motorcycles of today. Most members of Speedwolf grew up around bikers, and have "Hogs" of their own, so it's no surprise that this is where they draw their inspiration from.

The last song on Ride With Death is "Denver 666." It's a fucking great tune, and it's become a full-fledged anthem for the Denver metal scene. The video (made by drummer Richie Tice and his boss Zach Palin), is so great! Although part of me always worries for Mr.Tice's safety as he pulls a "Teen Wolf," and rides the roof of his van.

In honor of Speedwolf, I did my best to make these cupcakes as "Colorado-y" as possible. They feature Coors in both the cake and the frosting. Yes, that sounds totally weird and disgusting, but trust me, they're good!!

I've also posted them with High-Altitude directions. If you're not baking these in the mountains, see the list of necessary adjustments below.

Speedwolf- Bake All Night

 Makes 24

Metal Constituents:

• 2 1/3 cups all-purpose flour*
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 1 tablespoon baking powder
• 1/2 cup non-fat dry milk
• 1 box (3.4oz) vanilla instant pudding mix
• 1 cup Coors
• 1/4 cup vegetable oil*
• 4 eggs

For the Frosting:

• 2 1/2 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
• 3 cups powdered sugar
• 3 Tablespoons of Coors

For the Wolf Heads:

• 1 cup dark chocolate chips, melted
• 4 ounces cream cheese, room temperature
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 2 Tablespoons hot water
• 6 Tablespoons peanut butter
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 3 cups powdered sugar
• 2 lbs brown candy melts
• 4 graham crackers
• 12 red hot candies
• 24 mini chocolate chips

Merciless Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 375* degrees. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups, and set aside.
2. In the bowl of an electric mixer, whisk together flour, sugar, baking powder, dry milk, and pudding mix.
3. Add beer, and vegetable oil, then continue to whisk.
4. Add eggs one at a time, mixing well after each addition.
5. Beat at high speed until mixture is thick, creamy and smooth.
6. Fill each baking cup about 2/3 full.
7. Bake for 14-17* minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of one cake, comes out clean.
8. Allow cakes to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
9. To make the frosting: Beat butter in the bowl of an electric mixer until smooth.
10. Add powdered sugar and Coors and continue to beat on high speed until light and fluffy.
11. Frost completely cooled cakes.
12. To make the Werewolf heads: Line a baking sheet with parchment paper, and set aside.
13. Place chocolate chips in a microwave-safe bowl, and nuke for 30 seconds. 
14. Stir, then nuke again at 15 second intervals until melted and smooth, stirring after each time.
15. Place melted chocolate chips, cream cheese, vanilla, hot water, peanut butter, salt, and powdered sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer.
16. Mix the ingredients until the candy is uniform in color & consistency.
17. Check the texture of the candy- you want it to be firm enough to be easily shaped into a ball, but not too dry and stiff. If it's too wet, add more powdered sugar, a Tablespoon at a time, to get the right texture. If it's too dry, add more hot water, a teaspoon at a time.
18. Using a spoon, scoop up a small amount of candy and roll it into a ball.
19. Pinch a bit of it in the front to make about a ½ inch “snout,”and place onto your baking sheet.
20. Repeat with remaining candy until you have 24 werewolf heads.
21. Place the candy melts in a microwave-safe bowl, or a tall plastic tub like the ones you get when you order a large soup to go, from a Chinese restaurant.
22. Heat the candy in the microwave for 30 seconds, then stir.
23. Repeat until the candy is completely melted and smooth.
24. Break each graham cracker into 4 pieces, along the perforations. 
25. Cut these pieces into small triangles between 1/4-1/2 inch tall. These will be your werewolf ears.
26. Once the candy is melted, dip the bottom of a graham triangle in the coating, and press it into the top of a werewolf’s head.
27. Repeat with a second triangle to form a pair of ears, and continue until every werewolf has two ears sticking up out of the top of its head.
28. Refrigerate the werewolves to set the coating, about 5 minutes.
29. Once the candy holding the ears in place is set, use a couple of forks or dipping tools, to dip one werewolf head into the melted candy coating, submerging it completely.
30. Place the head back on the baking sheet and repeat with remaining heads.
31. To create the texture of the werewolf’s fur, the candy coating needs to set just a little bit--you want it to be tacky to the touch, but not liquidy. I suggest you either let the tray of dipped candies sit at room temperature for 5-10 minutes, or place it in the refrigerator for 15-30 seconds.
32. Once the werewolves are tacky to the touch, use a fork or toothpick to give your werewolf heads a textured, “furry” look.
33. Repeat with remaining heads.
34. To finish your werewolves, press a mini chocolate chip into the top of the snout for the wolf’s nose.
35. Cut a red hot in half, and press the two halves into the head for eyes.
36. Refrigerate the truffles to set the coating completely.
37. Place one werewolf head on top of each cupcake.
38. Bake 'till the morning light.

 *When making these cakes at a normal height above sea-level:

• Use 2 cups AP Flour
• Use 1/3 cup vegetable oil
• Reduce oven temp to 350 degrees
• Bake 20-25 minutes

Here's the totally kick-ass video for "Denver 666:"

And here's "Up All Night" to listen to while you're baking (all night). Enjoy!

 

Bake As Needed For Pain

The first time I heard about Eyehategod, was when my 10th grade crush showed up at school wearing one of their t-shirts. Even though I no longer LIKE like that kid, I've never gotten over Eyehategod. Way back then, I remember finding In The Name of Suffering buried in the "Grunge" section at a record store. Ha! The truth is, it's hard to categorize them, and they could give a fuck about labels anyway.
Nobody else sounds like Eyehategod. I hear that feedback, and I immediately brace myself for the crushing riffs that are about to destroy me.

They've got to be one of the only relevant bands that can still sell out a venue 13 years after their last full-length album was released. They pacify us with the occasional split, single, and live DVD, but a new record is what most fans are hungry for. A lot of the delay is due to label drama, time constraints (most members are in other bands as well), and hurricane Katrina.
Katrina took a great toll on the band because not only is New Orleans their home, it's almost like another member of the band. These guys are proud of where they come from for sure. Like in any big city, New Orleans has it's share of police corruption and "bad areas."  In a way, Eyehategod sees the seedy underbelly of society as the real truth about humans and human nature.
This is their truth, and it's also yours.

On a side note, if you're interested in dark, negative poetry, I suggest you check out vocalist Mike IX's book: Cancer As A Social Activity.

This recipe is an interpretation of a traditional New Orleans King Cake. King Cake is around every year during Mardi Gras. It's basically a huge cinnamon bun with a tiny plastic baby baked inside. The person who ends up with the slice containing the baby, is supposed to have good luck or something. I've also read that the person who gets the baby has to buy next year's King Cake. If that's the case, it seems like surviving the choking hazard is where your good luck ends.
Because Eyehategod is way more metal than babies, I suggest you reference their album cover and use a plastic (or real, if you've got one laying around) human tooth instead.

Eyehategod:
Bake As Needed For Pain

Makes 12

Metal Constituents:

• 1/2 cup whole milk, warm but not hot (110 degrees to be exact)
• 2 (1/4 oz) packages dry yeast
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1 stick unsalted butter, melted
• 3 egg yolks
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/2 teaspoon lemon zest
• 2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup cake flour
• 2 teaspoons cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon salt

For the filling:

• 1 (8oz) package of cream cheese
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
1 teaspoon cinnamon
• 4 teaspoons sugar
• Plastic tooth
• 1 large egg, lightly beaten

For the glaze:

• 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
• 1 1/2 tablespoons hot water
• 1 teaspoon lemon juice
• Black food coloring

   
Merciless Instructions:

1. In the bowl of an electric mixer, stir together milk*, yeast, and 1/4 cup sugar. *Make sure your milk isn't too hot, or it will murder your yeast.
2. Cover with a kitchen towel, and set in a warm place for about 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, the mixture should be foamy and smell very yeasty. If not, I'm sorry but your yeast is dead. Start over with new yeast.
3. In another bowl, whisk together butter, egg yolks, vanilla, lemon zest, and lemon juice.
4. In a medium-sized bowl, whisk together both flours, cinnamon, and salt.
5. Add flour mixture and butter mixture to the milk mixture.
6. Using the dough hook attachment on your mixer, beat until dough is smooth and forms a shaggy mass. Feel free to add 1 or 2 Tablespoons of flour if it seems too sticky.
7. Place dough in a bowl that has been sprayed with non-stick cooking spray.
8. Cover with a kitchen towel again, and let rise in a warm place for about an hour.
9. While your dough is rising, make your filling: In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat together cream cheese, sugar, and vanilla. Set aside.
10. After the hour is up, punch down your dough (brutal), and place on a lightly floured surface.
11. Roll dough into a 12 x 8 inch rectangle. 
12. Spread cream cheese mixture in a thin layer all over your dough.
13. In a small bowl, stir together cinnamon and sugar.
14. Sprinkle evenly over the cream cheese mixture.
15. Roll dough into a log, and cut into 12 equal pieces.
16. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups.
17. Place one roll in each baking cup.
18. Pick a lucky (sort of) cake, and shove the tooth into it somewhere.
19. Let rest 30 minutes.
20. While your dough is resting, preheat oven to 375°.
21. Once the 30 minutes are up, brush cake tops with beaten egg, and bake for 20 minutes.
22. Allow the cakes to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
23. In a small bowl, combine powdered sugar, water, and lemon juice. 
24. Stir in enough black food coloring to reach desired, godless shade.
25. Drizzle glaze over completely cooled cakes.
26. Cake fed from a dog, since the day I was born.

Here's some live footage of Eyehategod playing "Take As Needed For Pain." Enjoy!

Red Velvet Horse

Early Graves is a band from San Francisco that combines the best elements of a lot of stuff. They're Hardcore, Punk, Grind, and kinda Thrashy, with a sprinkle of Swedish Death Metal on top. I don't know if one genre can adequately sum them up, but I do know this: They're awesome, and I love them.
I liked Goner a lot, but I really, really love Red Horse. I must have listened to that album at least 80 times on repeat when I first got it. It made elbowing my way onto the subway in the morning, a whole lot more enjoyable.

They finished recording Red Horse two years to the day that their original vocalist Makh Daniels was killed in a car accident while on tour. The song "Pure Hell" is named after a back patch that Makh wore. It's about living your life to the fullest and giving everything you've got. Which is exactly why they didn't dissolve the band after Makh's death. As devastating as it is to walk away from an accident, when your close friend and brother wasn't so lucky, quitting and giving up doesn't honor anyone.
Keep living. Keep fighting.

These cakes were inspired by the title track off Red Horse. As a further tribute to Early Graves, I suggest using Ghirardelli chocolate. Like its fellow Bay Area exports, Ghirardelli is fucking sweeeet!


Early Graves: Red Velvet Horse

Makes 30

 Metal Constituents:

• 2 1/2 cups cake flour
• 4 tablespoons Ghirardelli cocoa powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 1 1/2 cups vegetable oil
• 2 large eggs
• 1 oz red food coloring
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 1 cup buttermilk
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
• 2 teaspoons distilled white vinegar

For the frosting:

• 2 packages (8oz each) cream cheese, room temperature
• 6 Tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature
• 2 cups powdered sugar
• 1/3 cup canned sweetened cream of coconut (such as Coco López)
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/4 teaspoon coconut extract
• Mini Ghirardelli chocolate chips 
• red sanding sugar

 Merciless Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cupcake tin with baking cups, and set aside.
2. In a medium-sized bowl, whisk together cake flour, cocoa, and salt.
3. In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat together sugar and oil until combined.
4. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition.
5. Mix in food coloring and vanilla.
6. Add flour mixture in three batches, alternating with buttermilk.
7. Stir together the baking soda and vinegar in a small bowl (it will foam up- fun!)
8. Add mixture to the batter, and continue to mix for about 10 seconds.
9. Fill each baking cup about two-thirds full.
10. Bake for 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a cupcake comes out clean.
11. Allow cakes to cool in the pan for 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely.
12. To make the frosting: Beat cream cheese and butter in large bowl until smooth.
13. Add powdered sugar, cream of coconut, and both extracts. 
14. Beat until light and fluffy.
15. Pipe frosting onto completely cooled cupcakes.
16. Top with mini chocolate chips and red sanding sugar
17. Red Velvet Horse is coming through.

Here's the official video for "Red Horse." Enjoy!



Also, if you're ever in Chicago, use this toilet at Ultra Lounge (it's the coolest one in the city):